As a youth pastor, my work involves being in the world of students and witnessing firsthand numerous parenting styles. There is a great spectrum of hands-off and helicopter parents. But on the far end of the helicopter parent spectrum is a man named Henry. Henry has one son. His name is Benny. Henry is very strict, controlling, and anxious to protect his son \u2013 the quintessential helicopter parent. I\u2019ve been involved in various degrees in the life of Benny. But I fear for Benny\u2019s growth. He is going to start college in a year. And everything inside me is fearful that Henry\u2019s attempt to protect his son and make sure he is perfect, no matter what the cost, is going to cost his son far more than Henry imagines. His son is fragile. The pressures and freedoms of college will break him. Henry is a good man. He and his wife had Benny late in life. He was their \u201cmiracle child\u201d after years of being unable to have kids. I do not blame him for his anxiety over protecting his son. But his anxiety over his son pushed him to such protective extremes that has caused more harm in the long run.<\/p>\n
Antifragile<\/strong><\/p>\n For this blog post, I will utilize Nassim Taleb\u2019s book Antifragile[1]<\/strong><\/a><\/em> as an interlocutor with an ancient wisdom book from the Old Testament. Taleb takes his readers on a journey circulating this concept of antifragility. Taleb explains it this way: There are things that are damaged or break when an event of randomness or disorder occurs, like glass in a box that is dropped. The box would appropriately be labeled \u201cfragile.\u201d Now, the opposite of fragile is not robust. Robust things are neither damaged nor improved upon an adverse event. Rather the opposite of fragile is antifragile, which is something that gains from an adverse event or randomness.[2]<\/a> An example of antifragility would be weightlifting. This is a purposeful act of antifragility that involves inflicting discomfort on muscles, but in so doing one makes them stronger.<\/p>\n Antifragility is about things becoming stronger when there is randomness and\/or disorder. Taleb argues that we, as a society, may have so valued protecting ourselves from adverse experiences while solely experiencing comfort that we have become fragile ourselves. He writes, \u201cwhat we call diseases of civilization result from the attempt by humans to make life comfortable for ourselves against our own interest, since the comfortable is what fragilizes.\u201d[3]<\/a> Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt and lawyer Greg Lukianoff write about the paradoxical harm of protecting kids from all harm in their book The Coddling of the American Mind<\/em>.[4]<\/a> They point out how the well-intentioned idea of protecting kids has in actuality caused them to become quite fragile. We have decided to protect the next generation at all costs, even if it costs us the next generation!<\/p>\n Job<\/strong><\/p>\n Enter the character of Job from the Old Testament wisdom book after his name. Fascinatingly, the story of Job does not involve God protecting Job at all costs, but allows Job to be inflicted by The Accuser. Job loses everything, and suffers greatly. Most of the book involves Job arguing with his friends about the justice of the situation he found himself in. Craig Bartholomew writes \u201cThe book of Job teaches how godly character results from refining in the furnace of formation.<\/em>\u201d[5]<\/sup><\/a> Job was a man of great status, with much wealth. But he was fragile. Why?\u00a0 According to Bartholomew,<\/p>\n Job evidently centered the meaning of his life in family, property, and health. The indications of this are found in his obsessive protection of his family in 1:5 and in his inflated vision of what should happen to him at death in 3:14\u201315 (see also 30:1), where he imagines himself at peace with the great and wise ones of the earth! When deprived of his attachments, he despaired and entered what St. John of the Cross calls the \u201cdark night of the soul.\u201d[6]<\/sup><\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n The detachment from these external blessings and the journey through suffering is what made Job antifragile. He was fragile before suffering, but through the other side of suffering he became antifragile.<\/p>\n Developing Antifragile People<\/strong><\/p>\n What does it look like to help people become antifragile? I do not have the exhaustive answer to such a critical and complex question. However, I will say this may involve, in my context as a pastor, being straightforward about the sufferings of this life. I have noticed that within the American church context, there is great emphasis on our victory in Christ. This is a good thing! But we need to turn up the volume to mirror the level of volume in the Scriptures about suffering. We need to tell stories (both Scriptural and historical) of people being formed through the furnace of suffering. In so doing, people will grasp a vision of what character formation into Christ-likeness entails, and would be inspired to walk through this with hope and joy.<\/p>\n [1]<\/a> Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder<\/em>, Random House Trade Paperback edition (New York: Random House Trade Paperbacks, 2014).<\/p>\n [2]<\/a> Ibid. 31-32.<\/p>\n [3]<\/a> Ibid. 339.<\/p>\n [4]<\/a> Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff, The Coddling of the American Mind<\/em> (London: Allen Lane, 2018).<\/p>\n