Nausea, sleeplessness, anxiety, dread, and sweating describe some of my initial experiences when it came to speaking in front of midsize to large groups of people. \u00a0At a young age I had a growing enthusiasm for ministry, the church, serving people, and God. I had no idea how much fear I would have to work through to fully embrace and enjoy my calling. Thankfully, I now love sharing and speaking in front of others for the sake of bringing something useful or transformative to them. New settings can bring some nerves, but being uncomfortable has weirdly become comfortable.<\/p>\n
Julian Treasure\u2019s book, How to Be Heard,<\/em> gives some incredibly useful advice and guidance for anyone wanting to grow in communication. He does this by first emphasizing the role listening has in our development as speakers. However, the strength of this book for me was the underlying elements he reveals that most impact our ability to genuinely listen and communicate effectively. Fear and love. Treasure describes four leeches<\/em> that keep a person from being ineffective in their listening and communication:<\/p>\n Treasure says, \u201cThe main reason for the negative impact of the leeches is that the underlying emotion giving rise to all four of them is fear.\u201d[i]<\/a> One question I\u2019ve been asking myself lately is, \u201cAm I operating at this moment out of some sort of fear or love?\u201d I\u2019m sure that is why this aspect of the book smacked me in the face a few times. There are a list of fears and \u201cWhat if\u2019s\u201d I can operate from at any given moment. \u201cWhat if they think x, y, or z?\u201d, \u201cWhat if we don\u2019t get this fixed?\u201d, \u201cWhat if I make the wrong choice?\u201d, \u201cWhat if they get upset with me?\u201d, etc.<\/p>\n I believe speaking in front of a bunch of people, where the spotlight is completely on us, reveals our underlying fears and insecurities. \u201cWhat if I fail?\u201d, \u201cWhat if they never invite me back?\u201d, \u201cWhat if I look stupid?\u201d \u00a0When it comes to being on a platform or stage, Julian reminds us, \u201c\u2026remember: it\u2019s not about you\u2026You are there to give something to your listeners or your audience: it might be the growth you can provoke or promote; the joy, inspiration or delight you can inspire; or the new information or perspective you can transmit.\u201d[ii]<\/a><\/p>\n Fear seems to thrive when unhealthy amounts of attention are aimed at ourselves, while love thrives when healthy amounts of energy are pointed toward others. I appreciated that love<\/em> was one of Jilian\u2019s cornerstone pieces when it comes to powerful speaking. Love was the last letter of his HAIL acronym which represents:<\/p>\n Honesty. Authenticity. Integrity. Love.<\/p>\n For Treasure, we need all of these things to communicate powerfully. However, love, that he defines as the Christ like agape<\/em> kind, can guide our listening and communication in healthier ways organically. He explains that living from a genuine place of care and wishing others well will naturally short circuit our tendencies toward self-interest, manipulation, or deception that feed the four leeches mentioned earlier.<\/p>\n Although this is a book on communication, Treasure has some lines in here that will preach!<\/em> One of them being, \u201cIn my experience, loving and judging are mutually exclusive.\u201d [iii]<\/a> \u00a0He shares his experience of blessing or wishing well<\/em> everyone he meets and its ability to change his posture towards those he encounters daily.\u00a0It\u2019s extremely hard to bless and condemn a person at the same time.<\/p>\n Speaking of condemning others and the necessity to listen, my home state, Tennessee, has had some heartbreaking events occur over the last few months. One includes an individual who broke into a school with an assault rifle, killed several people, including kids, and wounded others. Gun violence has become a major topic. Videos pertaining to mass shootings have started showing up on my media feeds. One of them was an interview with Marylin Manson years ago discussing the Columbine incident. Manson was asked what he would say to the shooters if he had the chance to talk to them directly. He said, \u201cI wouldn\u2019t say a single word to them, I would listen, and that\u2019s what no one did.\u201d [iv]<\/a> I feel like I need to put several clarifications after quoting a sacrilegious artist like Manson, but I\u2019m not, because there was some truth in what he said. Nothing justifies shooting innocent people, and events like this weigh heavy on our communities. However, Manson didn\u2019t hesitate to answer that question, and did so with conviction. It did make me wonder if he, and many others, was a product of people preaching more than listening? Who knows in these instances, but I believe it happens in others.<\/p>\n It\u2019s no accident that Julian Treasure\u2019s book on effective communication spends the first portion on becoming better listeners. As someone who spends a large portion of my time researching, message prepping, and teaching it becomes more tempting to listen less and speak more to \u201cfix the world\u201d. This was a great reminder that the most loving and transformative thing we can do sometimes is just listen, which may communicate louder than words.<\/p>\n [i]<\/a> Julian Treasure,\u00a0How to be Heard: Secrets for Powerful Speaking and Listening.<\/em>(Coral Gables, Fl: Mango Publishing Group, 2017), 51.<\/p>\n\n