{"id":32408,"date":"2023-04-19T01:25:27","date_gmt":"2023-04-19T08:25:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=32408"},"modified":"2023-04-19T01:25:27","modified_gmt":"2023-04-19T08:25:27","slug":"being-heard-and-valued","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/being-heard-and-valued\/","title":{"rendered":"Being Heard and Valued"},"content":{"rendered":"

In my former life<\/strong><\/p>\n

I can say with confidence that I\u2019ve spent a significant part of my life reflecting on speaking and listening. In my former life as an ESL teacher, these were two skills that I taught regularly. And yet, they are challenging skills for an ESL student to improve. It\u2019s less about memorizing grammar rules or lists of vocabulary and more about practice, practice, practice. There are no shortcuts. It takes time and hard work.<\/p>\n

Becoming a child again<\/strong><\/p>\n

No, I\u2019m not talking about being born again as Jesus describes it to Nicodemus in John 3. I\u2019m talking about learning a second language. A child learns to speak by listening to the language input of the surrounding environment. At 29 years old, I had to start learning a new language and paying attention to my speaking and listening skills in a whole new way. Again, no short cuts. It took time and hard work.<\/p>\n

In my current life<\/strong><\/p>\n

I appreciated that Julian Treasure connected speaking and listening in his book How to be Heard.<\/em> We so often focus on one or the other. Maybe we tell someone, \u201cYou\u2019re a great listener.\u201d Or we lament, \u201cI hate public speaking!\u201d But Treasure\u2019s core idea is expressed right at the beginning of his book when he says, \u201cThese 2 crucial abilities affect one another in a circular relationship: it\u2019s hard to be a great, powerful speaker if you don\u2019t listen, or to be a great listener if you can\u2019t articulate your own thoughts.\u201d[1]<\/a><\/p>\n

This \u201ccircular relationship\u201d reminds me of a ball being tossed back and forth. In fact, that\u2019s how I\u2019ve come to think about communication \u2013 two or more people throwing a ball around. Yes, the \u201csender\u201d has to launch the message pretty much in the right direction, but the \u201creceiver\u201d also has a responsibility to catch the intended message.<\/p>\n

Erin Meyer talks about this in detail in The Culture Map<\/em>. In direct cultures, notably Anglo-Saxon cultures, the definition of an effective communicator mostly means someone who communicates literally and explicitly. Communication is deemed \u201cgood\u201d if it is clear and explicit. She goes so far as to say that in this type of culture if a misunderstanding occurs it is generally blamed on the speaker. By contrast, \u201cin many Asian cultures\u2026Good communication is subtle…with responsibility for transmission of the message shared between the one sending the message and the one receiving it.\u201d[2]<\/a> This holds true in French culture as well, as we\u2019ve been told many times, \u201cWhat is left unsaid is as important as what is said.\u201d Talk about an extra layer of complication when you\u2019re operating in your second language!<\/p>\n

Looking ahead<\/strong><\/p>\n

In June, I\u2019ll have the opportunity to attend a conference in Sarajevo and run a workshop on my NPO topic – parenting. This is outside my comfort zone, and yet so aligned with what I want to do in the future that I just couldn\u2019t pass up the opportunity. I\u2019m looking at it as a great templating experience; it\u2019s a relatively low-risk way to practice exactly what I hope to do more of after I have my doctorate in hand. As I read Chapters 5 and onward of Treasure\u2019s book, I was diligently taking note of things to implement in my upcoming workshop.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \u201cMake your speech simple, easy to understand, logical, plain, direct, complete and specific, and you will generally find it effectively received.\u201d[3]<\/a> Given that I\u2019ll be speaking to an international audience and the presentation will be translated, I\u2019ll have to avoid idioms, jargon and overly complicated sentences.<\/li>\n
  2. Speak from a place of love. \u201cIf your speaking comes from well-wishing love, then honesty, authenticity and integrity flow much more naturally.\u201d[4]<\/a><\/li>\n
  3. Consider the audience carefully. Referring back to a listener\u2019s filters in Chapter 3 Treasure advises a speaker to \u201cspot the listening and thus adapt your speaking to make sure that you hit the target.\u201d[5]<\/a> As a reminder, those filters were culture, language, values, attitudes, beliefs, intentions, expectations and emotions. Those are a lot of ways that our message can get derailed!<\/li>\n
  4. The list could go on, but I\u2019ll end with one more quote. \u201cIt\u2019s said that we seek 3 things in a relationship: to be heard, to be understood and to be valued.\u201d[6]<\/a> Have you ever heard a talk, be it a sermon or a class lecture or maybe just a TED talk and you felt like the speaker truly \u201cgot\u201d you? You felt seen and heard. In my NPO research, I find that is one thing that parents desperately desire, and it\u2019s a way to connect with just about any parent. My hope, as I craft this workshop (and, Lord willing, more like it in the future) is to communicate in such a way that parents feel heard, seen and valued.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

     <\/p>\n

    _________________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n

    [1]<\/a> Julian Treasure, How to Be Heard: Secrets for Powerful Speaking and Listening<\/em> (Mango Media Inc., 2017). 11.<\/p>\n

    [2]<\/a> Erin Meyer, The Culture Map: Breaking through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business<\/em> (New York: PublicAffairs, 2014). 31.<\/p>\n

    [3]<\/a> Julian Treasure, How to Be Heard: Secrets for Powerful Speaking and Listening<\/em> (Mango Media Inc., 2017). 211.<\/p>\n

    [4]<\/a> Ibid. 223.<\/p>\n

    [5]<\/a> Ibid. 225.<\/p>\n

    [6]<\/a> Ibid. 168.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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