{"id":32400,"date":"2023-04-18T14:46:31","date_gmt":"2023-04-18T21:46:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=32400"},"modified":"2023-04-18T14:46:31","modified_gmt":"2023-04-18T21:46:31","slug":"the-greatest-speech-lesson","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/the-greatest-speech-lesson\/","title":{"rendered":"The Greatest Speech Lesson"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cOur job, all of us, every single one of us is to make sure that the people around us, whoever they are, know what\u2019s going on in the things that we love the most.\u201d<\/span>[1]<\/a><\/sup>\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

Benjamin Zander, conductor of The Boston Philharmonic Orchestra, spoke these words to Julian Treasure during an interview for his book, <\/span>How to Be Heard: Secrets for Powerful Speaking and Listening<\/em>. <\/span>Even though Ben\u2019s thoughts were spoken in the context of how music is more precise than words, his meaning applies to all disciplines of life. His words ring extraordinarily true as I reflect on the almost 3,000 communications students I taught throughout the years. Every semester for 20 plus years, I watched as students submitted themselves to the humbling process of learning to speak publicly. \u00a0It was my job to keep training people on using their voices as, \u201can instrument we all play.\u201d<\/span>[2]<\/a><\/sup> What I love the most is helping others find their truest voice. \u00a0As with the central message of this book, I observed the tension or the balance learners needed between their speaking and listening skills, because, as Treasure writes, \u201cThey are so interrelated. In order to be a good speaker, you have to be a good listener.\u201d<\/span>[3]<\/a><\/sup><\/p>\n

However, not one of my undergraduate student\u2019s speaking and listening journeys could have prepared me for the greatest speech lesson of my life: A time when our then 3-year-old daughter could not speak. Gabrielle was vocal, active and beautiful yet could not be understood by anyone except me. Her story is what taught me that the greatest \u201cspeakers\u201d are honest, clear and straightforward.<\/span>[4]<\/a><\/sup><\/p>\n

When Barbara, the speech therapist, worked with Gabrielle, she also worked with me. \u00a0Our youngest daughter and I sat under Barbara\u2019s instruction 3-4 times a week when she was diagnosed with \u201cspeech inarticulation\u201d. \u00a0 Day after day, week after week, for 4 years, Barbara would tell me to slow down when I talked to Gabrielle, to over pronounce my words and look her in the eyes. \u00a0Within six months, the muscles around Gabrielle\u2019s mouth were strengthened and worked properly. Her words were discernible. For several months, I spoke words accurately into my daughter\u2019s ears. To do this, I had to be physically closer to my daughter\u2013at times cheek to cheek, with my mouth whispering in her ear. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0During her second year of speech therapy, Barbara pulled me aside and said, \u201cPam, when I read Gabrielle\u2019s evaluation from last year, I thought I was reading a report on another child. \u00a0It described a child who was resistant, unable to focus, unwilling to sit still.\u201d We both smiled as we turned and watched her with another therapist listening, writing, responding. \u00a0What could possibly give my child so much contentment? I believe it was in how Barbara taught me to work with her on my own. Gabrielle had to learn to pronounce her D\u2019s, T\u2019s, S\u2019s and B\u2019s at the beginning of words and at the end. \u00a0There\u2019s only one way to say DTBS in English. \u00a0Once Gabrielle could sit still long enough for me to whisper a word in her ear, she could repeat it properly and her spirit came to life. \u00a0After she learned several consonants clearly, they started to run together and she could speak sentences like running water. \u00a0It was not possible for Gabrielle to have language without someone (me) teaching her accurately: She was dependent on someone else. It started by hearing, and then the hearing changed her on the inside.<\/span><\/p>\n

Once Gabrielle found her voice, her entire world changed. \u00a0Other people outside of her family understood her. \u00a0She became a young girl who expressed herself and her ideas; she started to know who she was. \u00a0Her speech became honest, clear and straightforward. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Honest Speech, Honest Listening<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Treasure writes that, \u201cHonesty is the opposite of falsehood.\u201d<\/span>[5]<\/a><\/sup>\u00a0 This sounds simple enough but the speech work I did every day with my daughter transformed how I taught college students how to speak. Rather than emphasizing the importance of public speaking mechanics, which are vital, I communicated to my students a higher value for each to present their most honest selves in their speeches. \u00a0Is there such a thing as honest listening? As the mother of a daughter who overcame a speech impediment, I became aware of the many obstacles in our family culture that kept Gabrielle from honest listening. It was my job to make sure that \u201cthe people around us, whoever they are, know what\u2019s going on in the things that we love the most.\u201d<\/span>[6]<\/a><\/sup>\u00a0 In our family, we chose to slow down the pace of life significantly for this to happen. In the classroom, I prioritized teaching the Roadblocks to Listening<\/span>[7]<\/a><\/sup> for my public speaking students.\u00a0 Isn’t honest listening just as important as we grow as leaders in the world? What character quality is needed to listen honestly?<\/span><\/p>\n

Clear and Straightforward Speech<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

For my NPO, I am looking at how the lack of support for leaders today makes people not want to lead tomorrow. \u00a0In writing the Expertise Essay, I chose to take a deeper dive into the virtue of humility and its impact on leader support. \u00a0Surprised by the amount of academic research covering the importance of leadership humility, I went one step further to see how leadership humility showed up in communication skills. One study boiled down hundreds of pages worth of data on leadership effectiveness:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cH<\/span>umble leaders transparently exemplify how to develop by being honest about areas for improvement (i,e., acknowledging mistakes and limitations,) encouraging social learning by making salient the strengths of those around them (spotlighting follower strengths,) and being anxious about listening, observing, and learning by doing (modeling teachability).<\/span>[8]<\/a><\/sup><\/p>\n

What I am observing in my NPO \u00a0mirrors in part what I learned from teaching my daughter to speak at three years old. \u00a0Honest, clear and straightforward speech begins with transparency, being open about what is not known, eager to listen and eager to learn. \u00a0Reading Julian Treasure\u2019s book, How to Be Heard,<\/em> was type of call for me in thinking about how leaders speak (publicly and personally) so people listen-Honestly listen so that others feel heard\u2013might that be an act of true humility?<\/span><\/p>\n

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[1]<\/a>\u00a0Treasure, Julian. <\/span>How to Be Heard: Secrets for Powerful Speaking and Listening<\/span>. Mango Media, 2017.<\/span><\/p>\n

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[2]<\/a>\u00a0IBID. 126.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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[3]<\/a>\u00a0<\/span>IBID<\/span>. 171.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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[4]<\/a>\u00a0IBID. \u00a0189-96.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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[5]<\/a>\u00a0IBID. 188.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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[6]<\/a>\u00a0Treasure, Julian. <\/span>How to Be Heard: Secrets for Powerful Speaking and Listening<\/span>. Mango Media, 2017.<\/span><\/p>\n

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[7]<\/a>\u00a0PhD, Matthew McKay, Martha Davis PhD, and Patrick Fanning. <\/span>Messages: The Communication Skills Book<\/span>. Fourth Edition, Revised. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2018.<\/span><\/p>\n

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  1. Mental Rehearsing <\/span>– We are so busy planning our response and impatiently waiting to speak that we block our ability to listen. <\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Criticizing <\/span>– We focus on what’s wrong with what the person is saying and so we miss brilliance or merit in their ideas. We divert our energy by categorizing, analyzing, and judging instead of listening. <\/span><\/li>\n
  3. Filtering <\/span>– When we’re sure we know what’s true, and\/or are determined not to hear things that force us to reconsider our own viewpoints because we’re so attached to our own positions, we may block out ideas and information that challenges our thinking. <\/span><\/li>\n
  4. Prejudiced Listening <\/span>– We all make judgments about individuals – he’s boring, she’s a chatterbox, he’s too full of himself, she’s doesn’t know what she’s talking about – and these disable our listening. We also have prejudices about groups of people. Engineers have their heads in the sky. Union reps always criticize. This can make it hard for us to openly listen to what they have to say. <\/span><\/li>\n
  5. Fact Gathering <\/span>– We listen only to the words and details someone is saying, and fail to tune into emotion, voice qualities or body language, we often miss the point of the other person’s message. We have to ask <\/span>\u201cWhy are they telling me this? What do they want me to understand?” <\/span><\/li>\n
  6. Bored Listening <\/span>– G.K Chesterton said,<\/span>“There is no such thing as an uninteresting sub- ject, only uninterested listeners.\u201d <\/span><\/li>\n
  7. Comparing <\/span>– Comparing makes it hard to listen because you’re always trying to assess who is smarter, more competent, more emotionally healthy – you or the other. Some peo- ple focus on who has suffered more, who’s a bigger victim. While someone’s talking, you think to yourself, <\/span>“Could I do it that well? I’ve had it harder, he doesn’t know what hard is. I earn more than that. My kids are so much brighter.” <\/span>You can’t let much in because you’re too busy seeing if you measure up. <\/span><\/li>\n
  8. Mind Reading <\/span>– The mind reader doesn’t pay much attention to what people say. In fact, he often distrusts it. He’s trying to figure out what the other person is really thinking and feeling. <\/span>“She says she wants to go to the show, but I’ll bet she’s tired and wants to relax. She might be resentful if I pushed her when she doesn’t want to go.” <\/span>The mind reader pays less attention to words than to intonations and subtle cues in an effort to see through to the truth. <\/span><\/li>\n
  9. Dreaming <\/span>– You’re half-listening, and something the person says suddenly triggers a chain of private associations. You are more prone to dreaming when you feel bored or anxious. Everybody dreams, and you sometimes need to make herculean efforts to stay tuned in. But if you dream a lot with certain people, it may indicate a lack of commit- ment to knowing or appreciating them. <\/span><\/li>\n
  10. 10. <\/span>Identifying <\/span>– In this block, you take everything a person tells you and refer it back to your own experience. They want to tell you about a toothache, but that reminds you of the time you had oral surgery for receding gums. You launch into your story before they can finish theirs. Everything you hear reminds you of something that you’ve felt, done, or suffered. You’re so busy with these exciting tales of your life that there’s no time to re- ally hear or get to know the other person. <\/span><\/li>\n
  11. 11. <\/span>Advising <\/span>– You are a great problem-solver, ready with help and suggestions. This does not allow your clients to truly brainstorm. You are doing all the problem-solving, not them. Advising can sound very condescending. As the mediator, let your client problem solve, not you. <\/span><\/li>\n
  12. 12. <\/span>Sparring <\/span>– As a mediator, you do not enter the conflict. Sparring involves arguing and debating. When your clients do this, they are not listening to each other. A subtype of sparring is the put-down. Couples can often perfect this with non-verbal language over years of marriage. Another subtype is discounting. This is the person who cannot accept a compliment. <\/span><\/li>\n
  13. 13. <\/span>Being Right <\/span>– Being right means you will go to any lengths (twist the facts, start shout- ing, make excuses or accusations, call up past sins) to avoid being wrong. You can’t lis- ten to criticism, you can’t be corrected, and you can’t take suggestions to change. Your convictions are unshakable. And since you won’t acknowledge that your mistakes are mistakes, you just keep making them. <\/span><\/li>\n
  14. 14. <\/span>Derailing <\/span>– This listening block is accomplished by suddenly changing the subject. You derail the train of conversation when you get bored or uncomfortable with a topic. An- other way of derailing is by joking it off. This means that you continually respond to whatever is said with a joke or quip in order to avoid the discomfort or anxiety in serious- ly listening to the other person. <\/span><\/li>\n
  15. 15. <\/span>Placating <\/span>– The need to be nice, pleasant, supportive. You want people to like you. So you agree with everything. You may half-listen, just enough to get the drift. You are placating, not really listening. <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

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    [8]<\/a>\u00a0Bradley P Owens and David R. Hekman. \u201cModeling How To Grow: An Inductive Examination Of Humble Leader Behaviors, Contingencies, And Outcomes.\u201d <\/span>The Academy of Management Journal<\/span>\u00a055, no. 4 (2012): \u00a0801.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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