\u201cThe first duty of love is to listen.\u201d<\/p>\n
Paul Tillich<\/p>\n
In How to be Heard: Secrets for Powerful Speaking and Listening,<\/em> author Julian Treasure highlighted how sound permeates every moment of my day. What I hear contributes to my emotional state. Taking time to consciously listen produced joy when I paused to listen to the first birdsong of spring, the delicate tones of my wind chime catching a gentle breeze, my husband humming an old church song, and the silence shared with others during Good Friday service. Other sounds caused worry such as when I heard the alarming sirens of firetrucks racing to an accident, the anguished cries of a distraught child, and discouraging news on the radio. I am noticing how often the sounds I hear move me to gratitude and prayer. I long to hear what is truly important and to listen well to the people I encounter.<\/p>\n Treasure writes that listening to another person, \u201c\u2026 is a rare and most generous gift.\u201d[1]<\/a> I want to be the giver of that gift. Listening is hard work. I frequently catch my thoughts wandering and must refocus. I am not so fussy about how well others speak. I hear many disjointed and rambling stories, the speaker apologetic but clearly in pain or excitement, processing verbally what has never been spoken aloud. I don\u2019t want to miss the essence of the person speaking because I am distracted or too busy. I love when I am fully engaged, consciously listening, unconcerned about my response, and present to the other person. Some of my favorite conversations have been when I barely spoke a word. This week I heard the loneliness of not having a friend, the disappointment and grief of a loss, and the incredible hurt of betrayal. It\u2019s challenging to listen to so much pain. I hope I listened well. The freedom and safety to speak is also a rare and generous gift. I need to receive that gift as well.<\/p>\n The premise of Julian Treasure\u2019s book is, \u201c\u2026it\u2019s hard to be a great, powerful speaker if you don\u2019t listen, or to be a great listener if you can\u2019t articulate your own thoughts.\u201d[2]<\/a> Treasure makes the important point that these two communication skills of listening and speaking go hand in hand. I\u2019m glad he started with listening. I work hard at being a better listener and have numerous tools which support my efforts. I have always been told that I am a good listener. I hope that\u2019s true. However, speaking is not my strong point, publicly and at times privately. I wonder how much I hide behind listening. Part of that maybe the result of a false belief that no one is listening anyway. I discovered I am not alone in that thought. I haven\u2019t considered that improving my speaking could help my listening. That motivates me to not only listen consciously, but to speak consciously.[3]<\/a> I need to give my resistance to speaking up more serious thought as this has likely hindered my ability to lead. I am mindful that I must practice the same vulnerability I am inviting others to when they open their hearts to me. Simon Walker explained how the backstage could be a place of safety which keeps the front stage small.[4]<\/a> I can be guarded with my thoughts and feelings, usually out of fear of being misunderstood or burdening others with my problems. It takes trust and safety for me to risk speaking up or to share my story. As Treasure says, \u201c\u2026a balance between these two skills is essential.\u201d[5]<\/a> I want the right balance.<\/p>\n Treasure identified four cornerstones of powerful speaking. The acronym H.A.I.L. stands for: Honesty, Authenticity, Integrity, and Love. Vulnerability to speak in such a way is risky if others do not know how to listen. One component of my NPO project is creating platforms for ministry leaders to experience generous listening. I want to design safe, intimate spaces in which ministry leaders feel seen, accepted, and loved. Treasure writes, \u201cIntimacy requires honesty and deep knowledge of another, which can only come with listening.\u201d In relationships we all long to be heard, understood, and valued.[6]<\/a> My stakeholders identified these needs for themselves during the discovery workshop, shared concerns about their fears of being judged when sharing, and the need for instruction in listening. During the pastor\u2019s conference at which I held the workshop, I spoke on listening. Afterwards, all female ministry leaders were given the opportunity to share with the group the story of their ministry calling and the challenges they faced. I was asked to share first, giving others the gift of going second. My private story was shared publicly for the first time with those I trusted. It was a beautiful time for all of us. Joseph Campbell’s book, The Hero with a Thousand Faces, <\/em>reminded me that everyone has a heroic journey to tell. All parts of the story are honorable. Julian Treasure affirms this idea, \u201cOne of the most potent styles of speaking is storytelling.\u201d[7]<\/a><\/p>\n I was listening to a poem on the Ritual App a few days ago. The poet Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer read her poem, Is this the Path of love?<\/em>[8]<\/a> It is a thoughtful poem, but the title itself caught my attention. Her simple question moves me to listen. It moves me to speak. Julian Treasure wrote, \u201cI believe that there are literally billions of people on this planet who have never known what it is like to be truly listened to, so scarce is that experience.\u201d[9]<\/a> I believe that is true. Listening and speaking are rare and generous gifts which I can give and receive. Both are acts of love.<\/p>\n \u201cThe first duty of love is to listen.\u201d Paul Tillich In How to be Heard: Secrets for Powerful Speaking and Listening, author Julian Treasure highlighted how sound permeates every moment of my day. What I hear contributes to my emotional state. Taking time to consciously listen produced joy when I paused to listen to the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":184,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2310],"tags":[2489,2713],"class_list":["post-32385","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-doctor-of-leadership-3","tag-dlgp02","tag-treasure","cohort-dlgp02"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32385","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/184"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=32385"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32385\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":32393,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32385\/revisions\/32393"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=32385"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=32385"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=32385"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}\n