{"id":31774,"date":"2023-03-11T16:54:29","date_gmt":"2023-03-12T00:54:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=31774"},"modified":"2023-03-11T16:54:29","modified_gmt":"2023-03-12T00:54:29","slug":"keeping-my-mouth-shut-leaning-into-authentic-leadership","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/keeping-my-mouth-shut-leaning-into-authentic-leadership\/","title":{"rendered":"Keeping my mouth shut…leaning into Authentic Leadership"},"content":{"rendered":"

In a recent Monday Cohort zoom chat, a fellow doctorate student (namely, Greg McMullen) shared one of his tips on writing his blogs. He said that when considering what to write, he lets his ideas \u201cpass through (his) heart\u201d and then begins to organize his ideas around this.[1] Reading Northouse\u2019s Leadership Theory and Practice<\/em> prompted me to heed Greg\u2019s strategy. What was my heart saying when I read through the various leadership theories Northouse amply provides? My thoughts focused on wanting to create a polished blog as I promote several of the leadership theories in Northouse\u2019s text in the trainings I have provided for business managers. I know that I could easily hide behind a professional mask if I did this. I have learned all too well that whatever is presented on the \u201cfront stage will win approval.\u201d[2] I have resolved not to take an easy track in unpacking leadership theory, but I am asking the hard questions of myself, specifically, what leadership theory is most needed in my life at this moment in time? What theory would be best suited for the challenges I am facing? Why fear the \u201cbackstage\u201d where I know there are \u201cfrustrations, disappointments, doubts, failures, and weariness?\u201d [3] I will write this blog for my personal benefit, addressing my leadership role as a mother and highlighting my own experience instead of giving details about my children\u2019s dating relationships. I am in a critical season of my life where I believe authentic leadership is needed most.<\/p>\n

Authentic Leadership with Young Adults<\/strong><\/p>\n

I am a mother of four children and my two older daughters are currently seriously dating. Navigating this season has not been easy and parenting young adults has felt like a labyrinth. Being a parent to someone who is in their early 20\u2019s looks incredibly different than parenting children ages 0-16.\u00a0 This leads me to consider how I might be an authentic leader, someone who is attempting to adapt to the needs of those in my home and change my \u201crole from parent-child to adult-adult.\u201d[4] Northouse proposes that authentic leadership in chapter 10 has \u201cfour distinct components.\u201d[5] I will discuss three of the four components: self-awareness, internalized moral perspective, and relational transparency. Balanced processing is the fourth component and not directly addressed in this blog. My blog will note how I am growing in these areas and honestly, where I am challenged and potentially stuck.[6]<\/p>\n

Self-Awareness<\/strong>– Just typing these two words brings a hearty laugh. As a Marriage and Family Therapist, it has been difficult for me to set aside my professional role when it comes to my daughters\u2019 dating relationships. I am aware that it is second nature for me to process most aspects of relationships and there is the possibility that these insights (if shared) can be received as critical feedback. I feel for the guys who date my daughters!! So, I am challenged, and seek to live into the interpersonal definition of authentic leadership where the \u201cfocus (is) closely on the leader and what goes on within the leader. It incorporates the leader\u2019s self-knowledge, self-regulation, and self-concept.\u201d[7] Often, I am processing: \u201cHow might my communication be received? Is it the right time for me to share? Oh, God\u2026.please help me shut my mouth!\u201d Knowing these thoughts (and prayers) is one thing and regulating them is another. \u201cSelf-awareness refers to the personal insights of the leader…(it is a) process in which individuals understand themselves, including their strengths and weaknesses, and the impact they have on others.\u201d [8]\u00a0 My strengths and weaknesses are in my face; they are inescapable.<\/p>\n

Internalized Moral Perspective-<\/strong>\u00a0 I was taught by my parents that there is one time in a person\u2019s life when there is permission to be selfish and that is in choosing a marriage partner. Another moral perspective my parents handed down to me is that the biggest decision in your life is accepting Jesus as your Savior and the next decision is the person you choose to marry. I do believe my daughters are wanting to be led by their internalized moral perspectives, many that I have handed down to them. I hope to continue to communicate an authentic approach which \u201cstrive(s) to do what is right. The framework of (this) approach serves as a guide to these actions\u201d [9]<\/p>\n

But I believe my daughters have some idealized distortion in their relationships. The past twenty-five years, my husband and I have helped couples with pre-marital counseling, and we often gauge how realistic each person is in how they view their future spouse. Prepare and Enrich provides a fantastic assessment that measures idealistic distortion and many other areas in the relationship. [10] My daughters are smart and are evaluating the patterns that their boyfriends have in relating but they fall prey to idealizing and romanticizing the other person. This is common, so much so, we see it in many Rom Com\u2019s (Romantic Comedies) which portray the \u201cperfect relationship.\u201d\u00a0 It is my hope that my daughters will count the cost and know that a couple years invested in a relationship may be worth giving up to wait for a spouse who potentially is a better fit or who God has for them. Greg McKeon captures this idea in his book Essentialism: \u201cEssentialists see tradeoffs as an inherent part of life, not as an inherently negative part of life. Instead of asking, \u201cWhat do I have to give up?\u201d They ask, \u201cWhat do I want to go big on?\u201d The cumulative impact of this small change in thinking can be profound.\u201d [11] What my daughter\u2019s choose remains to be seen.<\/p>\n

Relational transparency<\/strong>–\u00a0 How I interact with each of my daughters and showing interest in their boyfriends has a great impact on our relationship. When my second daughter first began to date her current boyfriend, I would not talk about him, and this was hurtful to her. I have learned that I need to show interest in her relationship and not \u201cwish people away.\u201d I believe Shelly Gable shares some insight to responding well in the training she provides her clients in building strong relationships: \u201cwhen an individual responds actively and constructively to someone sharing a positive experience, love, and friendship increase. (She teaches) four styles of responding: \u201cactive constructive (authentic, enthusiastic support), passive constructive (understated support), passive destructive (ignoring the event), and active destructive (pointing out negative aspects of the event).\u201d [12] I need to grow in my constructive support with my daughters. I hope to \u201cresolve problems in a way that makes relationships stronger when they are finished.\u201d [13]\u00a0 I would like to provide genuine unconditional positive regard for my children. I agree with the quote, \u201cEvery child needs at least one significant adult who is irrationally positive about them.\u201d [14] I hope to lead my family in a way that keeps communication open. I am challenged by looking at the authentic leadership model and how it might inform my relationships with my adult children.<\/p>\n

Authentic leadership is needed at this time in my life and I hope to be aware of myself, hold onto moral perspectives to guide me, and relate in transparent\/constructive ways with my adult children. Psalm 143:8 provides an authentic prayer, \u201cLet the morning bring word of your unfailing love. For I have put my trust in you.\u00a0 Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[1] Greg McMullen, February 13, 2023 DLGP zoom call 7:55am<\/p>\n

[2] Simon Walker, Leading out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership,<\/em> 2007, p.24<\/p>\n

[3] Ibid. p.27<\/p>\n

[4] Jim Burns, Doing Life With Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out<\/em>, 2019, p. 99<\/p>\n

[5] Peter G. Northouse, Leadership: Theory and Practice 5th<\/sup> ed<\/em>., 2010, p.207<\/p>\n

[6] Ibid. p.207<\/p>\n

[7] Ibid. p.206<\/p>\n

[8] Ibid. p.217<\/p>\n

[9] Ibid. p.209<\/p>\n

[10] Prepare and Enrich, Idealistic Distortion, https:\/\/dsministries.com\/idealistic-distortion\/<\/p>\n

[11] Greg McKeown, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less<\/em>, 2014, p.156<\/p>\n

[12] Martin E.P. Seligman, Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being, 2011, p.173<\/p>\n

[13] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership:4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead<\/em>, 2016, p.127<\/p>\n

[14] Jim Burns, Doing Life With Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out<\/em>, 2019, p.46<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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