WARNING!<\/p>\n
This post may not be for you! I share:
\n1.\tMy Heart
\n2.\tMy Authentic Space
\n3.\tMy Introspective Thoughts (I met with my Coach an hour before writing it)
\nSo, govern yourself accordingly, there is no love lost between us if you skip over it without reading. For everyone else, I invite you to journey with me for the next few minutes. <\/p>\n
My Season
\nThis is such an interesting season for me. I find myself trying to manage my family schedule (which is insanely busy), my business, my doctoral work, and my emotions. One year ago, almost to the day, my Mama began hospice in our home. On Ash Wednesday of last year, she stopped eating and drinking. I am a ball of nerves as I revisit her hospice journey, her twelve days of active dying (no food and no water), and her transition. So, when I say that I am managing emotions, honestly, they are often managing me. And this week was a doozy with a major assignment due and a couple of work deadlines, I was slow in completing the reading for this week. I was not anticipating that I would get much out of my experience Because of my emotional state, so my focus was solely on completing this reading and not on enjoying it. Boy, was I surprised! Oh, my goodness! Failure of Nerve pushed so many buttons for me. I found it difficult to choose what to write about. In a recent conversation one of our cohort members listed this book as one that he would likely use often, and I was curious why he would choose this book. Now I understand, this book will remain on my desk among my other favorites. It was instructive, amusing, and relatable. I found myself scratching my head at times trying to figure out how Friedman knew so much about my challenges. Specifically, The Togetherness Position and Stuck Systems were concepts that were extremely relatable to me in this season of my life.
\nThe Togetherness Position
\nInitially, the Emotional Triangle caught my attention. The \u201cspouse\/spouse\/ any issue or symptom\u201d category listed health as one of the symptoms and I immediately thought about my grief, our grief. I thought about our (my husband and I) journey and wondered whether Larry had read this book. His commitment to sit with me and see me through every aspect of my grief saved me. No scapegoating, no avoidance, no rushing, never shrinking back, he stayed in the space with me and consistently met my ever-changing extreme emotional swings with love and patience. Friedman says, \u201cone can only change a relationship of which one is directly a part\u201d.(1) This is so true, I\u2019ve lived it…I am still living it. Our relationship, our love and our journey were changed in a very meaningful way because of his commitment to enter and remain in my grief-stricken space. As I read further, I discovered the real nugget of this chapter for me, The Togetherness Position.
\nFriedman describes it as:
\n\u201cThe position that is most dangerous to a leader\u2019s health is what I call the \u201ctogetherness position\u201d, in which the leader feels responsible for keeping a system together. Such leaders are most likely to suffer burnout, function badly, or suddenly die when forces pulling in opposite directions have stretched their capacity to hold things together to its breaking point.\u201d(2)<\/p>\n
Personally, and professionally this concept resonated with me. I have been guilty of trying to fix everything for everybody. It is the nature of the work that I do. I often tell clients that my job is to leave things better than I found them. I have embraced the \u201cfixer\u201d role and built a career around it. Similarly, my sibling dynamic operates with me in the same role, as the person that keeps the relationship(s) together. Sometimes at my own expense. But what really gave me pause was that I realized that I have allowed my dear, darling husband to step into the togetherness position. It is where he has taken up residence for the last 12 months. The thought of him suffering from burnout or giving of himself until he reaches a breaking point is frightening. Timing is everything and the timing of this book in this season was so impactful. There is a famous quote (I believe it\u2019s from Maya Angelou), \u201cwhen you know better, do better\u201d. It\u2019s time to do better. <\/p>\n
Stuck Systems
\nThis leads me to stuck systems. Things that keep going on with no real change. Conceptually stuck systems cannot become unstuck simply by trying harder.(3) It requires a commitment to doing things differently, doing them better and using the tools to make a sustainable change. It also requires a strong constitution, the ability to take an honest look at ourselves. I love the way Friedman describes it, he says, \u201cThe capacity to take responsibility for one\u2019s own being and destiny requires integrity, which in this context means not only honesty but being \u201cput together well”(4)
\nI\u2019m not sure if my goal is to be put together well. It is certainly to have emotional, mental, and physical health that will allow me to thrive as a mother, a wife, and a leader. I also want to be instrumental in fostering the same within the lives of my Loved Ones\/Colleagues. I remain open to all the opportunities for growth the lie ahead. Let\u2019s journey and grow together, Loved Ones!<\/p>\n
1. Edwin H. Friedman, Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (New York, NY: CHURCH Publishing INC, 2017), 228.
\n2. Ibid.,235.
\n3. Ibid.,37.
\n4. Ibid.,83.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
WARNING! This post may not be for you! I share: 1. My Heart 2. My Authentic Space 3. My Introspective Thoughts (I met with my Coach an hour before writing it) So, govern yourself accordingly, there is no love lost between us if you skip over it without reading. For everyone else, I invite you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":174,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[571],"tags":[2489,236],"class_list":["post-31279","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-biography-drama-history","tag-dlgp02","tag-friedman","cohort-dlgp02"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31279","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/174"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31279"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31279\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":31343,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31279\/revisions\/31343"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31279"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31279"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31279"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}