The vagus nerve is the longest nerve of the autonomic nervous system and is one of the most important nerves in the body. The vagus nerve helps to regulate many critical aspects of human physiology, including the heart rate, blood pressure, sweating, digestion, and even speaking. When a person has an argument, series struggle, or trauma the vagus nerve (which proceeds from the base of the brain) sends impulses to \u201conly four parts of the body (the rear of the throat, heart, lungs, and stomach).\u201d [1]. Can you remember when you or someone else was in an argument or in distress and you tried to speak? What happened? Your voice changed or got higher. This is because when a person is distressed or in trauma and they attempt to talk the vagus nerve almost closes the throat, which leads to a change in speech. Have you ever heard the phrase, \u201cAll choked up\u201d or while grabbing the throat a person says, about a sports team, \u201cthey had the lead and choked\u201d Those phrases come from the vagus nerve because it feels like your throat is closing when you are under distress, which causes your voice to change.<\/p>\n
Parkinson\u2019s disease is the only disease that eats or destroys the vagus nerve. In other words, Parkinson\u2019s disease causes a failure of nerve. Parkinson\u2019s disease causes 1 hand to tremor, the body stiffens, and becomes slow to move. Could it be, if we have a failure of nerve, we have emotional Parkinson\u2019s disease? <\/p>\n
This is why Friedman says the real problem of leadership is a failure of nerve. Leaders fail not because they lack information, skill, or technique, but because they lack the nerve and presence to stand firm in the midst of other people\u2019s emotional anxiety and reactivity.
\nFriedman\u2019s understanding of leadership hinges on the idea of emotional process. Every family and every institution has an implicit emotional\/relational environment, and a way of operating within that environment. Good leadership has less to do with skill, data, technique, or knowledge, and more to do with a leader\u2019s ability to discern and navigate the emotional and relational climate of a family or organization. \u201cThe universal problem for all partnerships was not getting closer; it was preserving self in a close relationship.\u201d [2]. The conversations we have with others is not about the relationship because \u201cthe conversation is the relationship.\u201d [3]. This means when we don\u2019t have the nerve to do what\u2019s necessary to preserve the relationship or move toward others in relationship, we have a failure of nerve.
\nThe key variable in leadership is a leader\u2019s presence. Rather than focusing on technique or know-how, we need to focus on the leader\u2019s own presence and being. Here\u2019s what the key variable in leadership is: a leader\u2019s presence. Rather than focusing on technique or know-how, we need to focus on the leader\u2019s own presence and being. Throughout his work Friedman speaks of the importance of a \u201cwell-differentiated leader.\u201d Here\u2019s what I think he means:
\n\u2022\tUnhealthy emotional systems are marked by reactivity. A well-differentiated leader doesn\u2019t react to other people\u2019s reactions; he or she is a calm, steady presence.
\n\u2022\tUnhealthy emotional systems are marked by a herding instinct. A well-differentiated leader has a strong sense of self and can effectively separate while remaining connected. This is because \u201cinstead of spending all their time worrying about how to lead other people, the truly great leaders spend their time figuring out how to lead themselves.\u201d [4].
\n\u2022\tUnhealthy emotional systems are marked by blame displacement. A well-differentiated leader takes responsibility for himself and leads others to do the same.
\n\u2022\tUnhealthy emotional systems are marked by a quick-fix mentality; relief from pain is more important than lasting change. A well-differentiated leader realizes that true long-term change requires discomfort, and he or she is willing to lead others through discomfort toward change.
\n\u2022\tUnhealthy emotional systems are marked by poorly defined leadership. A well-differentiated leader takes decisive stands at the risk of displeasing others.<\/p>\n
Taking Friedman\u2019s cue to \u201cfocus on responsibility rather empathy,\u201d [5] it caused me to ask two questions:
\n1.\tTo my third child who is 18 years old, \u201cNoel, what issues do you have in your life, but you have those issues because of me?
\n2.\tTo my Board of Directors, I sent an email with this question to discuss at our next meeting. \u201cHas there been anything you wanted to bring up as a board member but were afraid I would avoid it or just sweep it under the rug? Thus, you would continue to feel unheard and unloved by me.
\nNow, I\u2019m wondering what type of \u201cdisease\u201d is eating away at my nerve…thus giving me emotional Parkinson\u2019s disease???<\/p>\n
[1] Kolk van der Bessel. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the healing of Trauma. Penguin Publishing, 2015. 39.
\n[2] Friedman, Edwin H. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (10 Anniversary, Revised Edition), Church Publishing Incorporated, 2017. 99.
\n[3] Scott, Susan. Fierce Conversations. New American Library, 2017. 5.
\n[4] Waite, Michael. Great Leaders Live Like Drug Addicts. Forefront Books, 2020. 64.
\n[5] Friedman, Edwin H. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (10 Anniversary, Revised Edition), Church Publishing Incorporated, 2017. 143.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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