“You need to live your life. At least you do not have cancer.\u201d Those were my sister\u2019s words to me. It was on a day where I was at my parent\u2019s house getting some down time while my kids played. This was a time when both my kids were in elementary school, my husband traveled frequently for work, and I dealt with daily migraines. I was on the executive board of the Parent Faculty Association and involved in my son\u2019s scout troop and my daughter\u2019s dancing. I did not go there to be called out by my younger sister who was not working or really doing anything with her life. Those words have stuck with me, a thorn in my mind whenever I feel like I am not able to do what I think I should be doing.<\/p>\n
You know I am not feeling well when I have not touched my sewing machine in over two weeks (technically three and a half, but I was traveling so that time does not really count). Crafting is my superpower. I may not be able to fold my laundry without triggering a migraine, but even with a migraine I can usually manage to sew. Having a craft project always helps me to feel productive when I do not have the energy to do anything else. So, the fact that Blossom has sat unused for the past two weeks speaks to just how sick I have felt. And my sister\u2019s words loom large in my mind. I have learned over the years to give myself grace when I am not doing well but let me tell you it has taken a lot of work to get there. At times, when my resistance is low, it is harder to push against the negative thoughts. As I am slowly coming out of the fog of sickness and feeling like I can actually get something done, the readings for this week in King and Pressfield seem apropos.<\/p>\n
I want to stop and just linger on page 38 of Pressfield. He writes about Resistance and Criticism, saying, \u201cWhen we see others beginning to live their authentic selves, it drives us crazy if we have not lived out our own.\u201d[i]<\/a> This quote really made me stop and think. Not about my own actions. It helps me to understand my family. My sister\u2019s words so long ago make so much more sense to me. My family has been particularly on my mind recently. I found out when I was at Disney World with my friend that my mother made comments on my wedding day about how Andrew and I would not last more than two or three years. We celebrate our twenty-seventh anniversary this June. Obviously, my mom was wrong. What has caught my attention is wondering why she would say something like that, and on my wedding day no less. Why would my sister feel like she needed to tell me to live my life when I was the one who actually was getting out there and doing things?<\/p>\n This two-paragraph chapter on Resistance and Criticism speaks to what I have experienced with my family. I have stepped out, unafraid to live my life, to take a chance, and the response of my family is criticism. \u201cOf all the manifestations of Resistance, most only harm ourselves. Criticism and cruelty harm others as well.\u201d[ii]<\/a> My parents have hardly spoken to me in eight years. I made the decision to set some healthy boundaries. The boundaries I set were about criticism. My parents only ever told me what they thought I was doing wrong. I asked for them to limit their criticism or at least include something positive occasionally. Their response was to tell me that they did not think we should talk anymore.<\/p>\n It has taken me years to come to a place of peace about this situation. Usually I am fine, but every once in a while, something comes up that brings up the pain of rejection again. This blog is me processing some of that pain through the lens of Steven Pressfield\u2019s words. My mother\u2019s words had nothing to do with me or even with whether she believed them. What she wanted was for me to fail in my marriage so that she could be the hero, the supportive mom who came in and rescued me. My sister\u2019s words had nothing to do with me. It had to do with how she was feeling about her own life. I can either dwell on these words, allow Resistance to bring me down, or I can follow Pressfield\u2019s advice and be a professional. \u201cThere\u2019s no mystery to turning pro. It\u2019s a decision brought about by an act of will. We make up our mind to view ourselves as pros and we do it. Simple as that.\u201d[iii]<\/a> I do not agree that it is simple, but the choice is there in front of me, and I chose to be a professional.<\/p>\n As Paul writes in Philippians 3:12-16, \u201cNot that I have already\u00a0obtained this or\u00a0am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.\u00a0Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,\u00a0I press on toward the goal for\u00a0the prize of the upward\u00a0call of God in Christ Jesus.\u00a0Let those of us who are\u00a0mature think this way, and if in anything\u00a0you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.\u00a0Only let us hold true to what we have attained.\u201d<\/p>\n [i]<\/a> Steven Pressfield, The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles.<\/em> (New York, Black Irish Entertainment LLC, 2002). Pg. 38.<\/p>\n