{"id":30589,"date":"2023-01-29T14:33:27","date_gmt":"2023-01-29T22:33:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=30589"},"modified":"2023-01-29T14:36:10","modified_gmt":"2023-01-29T22:36:10","slug":"unlocking-triangles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/unlocking-triangles\/","title":{"rendered":"Unlocking Triangles"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Whoever coined the phrase, \u201cthere are two sides to every story,\u201d never studied systems theory or emotional triangles. Based on chapter seven of Edwin Friedman\u2019s book A Failure of Nerve<\/em>, it seems there are actually three sides to most relational issues–the\u00a0 perspective of the two parties at the root of the struggle and that of a third person, issue or symptom that is brought into the mix when the original relationship becomes unstable.<\/span><\/p>\n

Although I\u2019ve been an avid student of emotional intelligence for several years, Friedman\u2019s introduction to the concept of emotional triangles was the first time I encountered this particular theory of relational conflict. It is such an important concept to Friedman that he states, \u201cfor leaders, the capacity to understand and think in terms of emotional triangles can be the key to their stress, their health, their effectiveness, and the relational binds.\u201d 1<\/strong><\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Friedman\u2019s emphasis on understanding the concept of emotional triangles left me wanting to understand more than his single chapter provided, so I searched out additional sources, including the original developer of emotional triangle theory, Dr. Murray Bowen, and several secondary sources that unpack Bowen\u2019s theory in light of modern day leadership challenges. The following paragraphs describe the key take-aways I gleaned from Friedman\u2019s chapter and this additional research.<\/span><\/p>\n

Emotional Triangles are a Natural Way of Responding to Stress
\n<\/b>When Dr. Murray Bowen initially developed the concept of emotional triangles in the 1950s, it was through observation of families. He noticed that the way family members dealt with anxiety, by bringing in a third party to distribute the stress, was \u201csimilar to the instinctive ways other species dealt with threats in (or to) their herds and packs.\u201d2<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span> In this way, Bowen\u2019s theory was influenced by Darwin\u2019s theory of a species\u2019 patterns of survival or extinction. He theorized that humans manage stress in patterns (like other species) and pass those patterns down from generation to generation.<\/span><\/p>\n

Emotional Triangles Have a Spiritual Connection<\/strong>
\nBowen’s original theory of emotional triangles was explained “merely as the consequence of anxious patterns of family survival.” 3\u00a0<\/strong>But a look at the doctrine of original sin shows that problems in human relationships are more than a Darwinian effect. The first emotional triangle can be seen immediately after The Fall in the Garden of Eden. Therefore, our propensity to spread around our anxiety and extend our problems to others, has a spiritual component as well as a natural component.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Emotional Triangles Apply Equally to all Types of Groups and Communities
\n<\/b>While Bowen\u2019s original research was based on families, practitioners now recognize that emotional triangles are the primary relational framework for all types of communities including organizations, churches, and teams. In fact, \u201cno matter who the people are or what the context, emotional triangles adhere to the following rules:<\/span><\/p>\n