{"id":3058,"date":"2014-10-31T03:29:34","date_gmt":"2014-10-31T03:29:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dminlgp\/?p=3058"},"modified":"2014-10-31T03:29:34","modified_gmt":"2014-10-31T03:29:34","slug":"becoming-a-well-differentiated-leader","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/becoming-a-well-differentiated-leader\/","title":{"rendered":"Becoming a Well-Differentiated Leader"},"content":{"rendered":"

So many good books so little time. Again, another great author. Another great book. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix<\/em> by Edwin H. Friedman is one of those books that I will continue to return to in order to be reminded that good leadership cannot be synthesized down to formulas or technique and know-how. Leadership is emotional. \u201cInstitutions are emotional fields,\u201d as Friedman states, \u201cenvironments of force that, for all their influences over people\u2019s thinking processes, are like magnetic fields or gravitational fields, largely invisible to the naked eye.\u201d[1]<\/a> If this is the jungle we swing in than we cannot set aside our emotions and attempt to adopt some stoic-non-emotional leadership persona when we venture to become leaders. If anything we need to realize the emotional depths of institutions for every institution is made up of individuals and are therefore full of emotions. So how do we handle the swirl of emotions around us and in us?<\/p>\n

When I pastored I use to joke that the church could be quite easy to manage if it were not for all the people. People, with all their emotional baggage, would come in and pile their baggage in my office, down the hall, in the sanctuary, and in the sound booth. Even behind the pulpit there was baggage, I should know, for that is where I stood. Friedman does not deny this emotional baggage nor does he try to provide a quick fix but rather articulates a stance within the emotional storm swirling around each leader. He refers to it as \u201cdifferentiation.\u201d<\/p>\n

Though Friedman provides an extensive definition of differentiation in chapter 5, it was the statement he had written in the introduction that I read to my wife that, I believe, encompasses the depths of wisdom that Friedman attempts to mine for us.<\/p>\n

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[When speaking of a well-differentiated leader] I mean someone who has clarity about his or her own life goals, and therefore, someone who is less likely to become lost in the anxious emotional processes swirling about. I mean someone who can be separate while still remaining connected, and therefore can maintain a modifying, non-anxious, and sometimes challenging presence. I mean someone who can manage his or her own reactivity to the automatic reactivity of others, and therefore be able to take stands at the risk of displeasing.[2]<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\u201cYes, that\u2019s it!\u201d I exclaimed to my wife. If a leader can be present to the emotional environment and not be sucked in by the powerful vortex he stands a chance at providing the needed leadership for the organization. But there in lies the difficult of any leader. For every leader needs to lead himself whilst he seeks to lead others. To hold back the forces of other peoples emotions may be an easy task, it is not so easy to hold back one\u2019s own emotions when the swirling vortex begins.<\/p>\n

\u201cDifferentiation is the lifelong process of striving to keep one\u2019s being in balance through the reciprocal external and internal processes of self-definition and self-regulation.\u201d[3]<\/a> It is up to the leader to hold his own emotions in check, containing his own reactivity in the face of emotional winds. This is done with a strong internal guidance system. Knowing one\u2019s self and one\u2019s goals that constantly provide that compass bearing regardless of the changing winds. I think of all the movies with great heroes and I recognize this differentiation in all of them. From Gladiator to Braveheart, to Invictus\u00a0each of the leaders, though present in the midst of the storms, were not taken in by the vortex. They had a strong personal knowledge and emotional tenacity to know their own destiny. They were clear about their own personal goals and values. As I read this book I could not help but think of the greatest of all heroes, Jesus himself. That in the midst of all the emotional storms he faced He set his face like flint toward His goal. For the joy that was set before Him, He endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right had of the throne of God. Now that is one who has achieved differentiation. I must ask the question to myself, and so I ask you also reader, what must you do to point your life in the direction of differentiation and thus become more like Jesus?<\/p>\n

_______________________<\/p>\n

Differentiation refers to a direction in life rather than a state of being.\u00a0Which of the following do you struggle with the most and why?<\/p>\n