{"id":30562,"date":"2023-01-27T18:35:14","date_gmt":"2023-01-28T02:35:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=30562"},"modified":"2023-01-27T18:35:14","modified_gmt":"2023-01-28T02:35:14","slug":"anxious-conversations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/anxious-conversations\/","title":{"rendered":"Anxious Conversations"},"content":{"rendered":"

There is no better masterclass in leadership than Failure of Nerve<\/i>. It brilliantly diagnosis the problem of modern society and the lack of leadership, only to invite the leader to look at themselves to understand where the problems truly lies. This is the unique and timeless perspective that Friedman offers in the ubiquitous leadership environment that seeks to offer approaches to fix the external world. Friedman, on the other hand, invites the leader to look in the mirror to face the problem.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

With a realized directness honed over deep reflection and countless experiences, Friedman\u2019s candor shines through as he observes, \u201cI believe there exists throughout America today a rampant sabotaging of leaders who try to stand tall amid the raging anxiety-storms of our time.\u201d2\u00a0<\/span> He goes on to say that, \u201cIt is our tendency to adapt to its immaturity.\u201d3 The problem, Friedman argues, is that the anxiety within the system and its influence over the leader is what results in a \u201cfailure of nerve.\u201d4 While most leaders seek out new skills, approaches and quick fixes, Friedman points out that, \u201c\u2026leadership is essentially an emotional <\/i>process rather than a cognitive<\/i> phenomenon\u2026\u201d5 Therefore, there is no need to seek out a new systematic approach to dealing with the difficulties in our relationships at work, Schoo, church or wherever. Instead, we are to take responsibility for ourselves and the situation, without blaming those outside of themselves.6<\/p>\n

This made me think of two conversations I had this week. One that I initiated and the other that was shared over text message this morning. The first conversation was with a fellow pastor as we were swapping stories of those \u201canxious\u201d people in our congregations. In what felt like an out-of-body moment, I observed myself blaming a group of people for forcing a change to the worship order that I did not want to make. As I was talking, I could hear the words of Friedman saying, \u201cChronically anxious families encourage blame rather than ownership.\u201d7 I begin to wonder if my friend was experiencing what Friedman described when he met with people. He could tell within minutes if they were anxious because of how they talked.8<\/p>\n

The second experience was when a staff member texted me about a perceived problem with an event later that night. The text indicated that a new family registered for the event that was only a few hours away, but requested gluten-free food for the child. The staff member\u2019s text seemed to indicate that she was put out by the request, but never stated what she wanted from me. I replied that she could either provide the food or not. It was her choice, just let the family know what you decided to do. The lack of defined request from the staff member when brining the problem to my attention seemed to be an act of attempting to bring me into the anxiety she felt about the last-minute request. From my outside perspective, the solutions were found in straight forward differentiated leadership: meet the request or inform them that you could not provide the accommodation. The common experience is an example of what Friedman describes as, \u201c\u2026always assumed to be the eternal truths of their profession\u2026\u201d7 In this case, the need to bringing others into the shared anxiety around an upcoming event is an example of a leadership crisis shared within the system I am a part of.10<\/p>\n

Reading this book remind me that I want to be a differentiated leader as described by Friedman. Not only does he clearly state the problem being rampant anxiety in the systems of our lives, Friedman calls out the solution as the differentiated leader who can take responsibility for their own emotions with a \u201cchallenging presence.\u201d11 While it does not qualify as a quick-fix or even gentle approach, the book does what a masterclass should do – challenge the reader to become who they were meant to be for the good of those they lead and themselves.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Friedman, Edwin H, Margaret M Treadwell, and Edward W Beal. 2017. A Failure of Nerve : Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix<\/i>. New York: Church Publishing.<\/p>\n

2. Ibid., 2.<\/p>\n

3. Ibid.<\/p>\n

4. Ibid., 1.<\/p>\n

5. Ibid., 14 (italics in original). \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

6. Ibid., 21.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

7. Ibid., 83.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

8. Ibid., 16.<\/p>\n

9. Ibid., 30.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

10. Ibid., 29.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

11. Ibid., 16.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There is no better masterclass in leadership than Failure of Nerve. It brilliantly diagnosis the problem of modern society and the lack of leadership, only to invite the leader to look at themselves to understand where the problems truly lies. This is the unique and timeless perspective that Friedman offers in the ubiquitous leadership environment […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":163,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[2549],"class_list":["post-30562","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-dlgp01-friedman","cohort-dlgp01"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30562","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/163"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=30562"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30562\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":30563,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30562\/revisions\/30563"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=30562"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=30562"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=30562"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}