As we go through the doctoral program, we learn and apply from each book we read, blog, and discuss. I have personally found that I am learning a great deal through my colleagues. In Monday’s zoom class, I again realized what a gift it is to be in this program. How do I slow down and really come into a place of being a mature and well differentiated leader. I have found myself failing in this, as at times I have had an emotional response to a book instead of digging for the gold in the book.<\/p>\n
Being a mature well differentiated leader, we are no longer being reactive, but rather as mature leaders we are to respond professionally and precise. After all God has trusted us with leading others. Often, we become focused on leadership skills or form (how things look or presentation) rather growing in our emotional\/mental well being. Often in times of distress, those unhealthy emotions or strongholds bear negative fruit in our lives.<\/p>\n
If I was to take Camacho’s book on Digging for Gold<\/em> and apply them to reading Friedman’s book on Failure of Nerve, I would dig for the positive to help me or my congregation and not waste anytime on bothered or offended me. I am able to take a step of becoming a well-differentiated leader and moving through emotions of anxiety and being reactive instead of proactive of my growth as doctoral student. Not only as a doctoral student but as a pastor.<\/p>\n Coaching Process<\/strong><\/p>\n Recently I have had some coaching done. A few of the questions I did not really want to answer or address. I decided to ask the coach if I could have time to respond to the question so I could have clarity. Through this process I had to go to the cross to seek the help of the Holy Spirit. Through this process of the Holy Spirit revealing to me, I was also reminded of a goal with the doctoral program that when I graduated, I would have a new credo for ministry and life.<\/p>\n There is a book called Critical Thinking<\/em> Concepts and Tools by Richard Paul & Linda Elder that seems to have been written for people like me. It is one of the smallest books but impactful for me. I often keep it in my bible and try to read it once a week. Books like these help remind me of my credo and to be able to say yes or no to things without any guilt and grief. Or as Camacho put it, to live and thrive in our sweet spot.<\/p>\n Reacting vs. Responding<\/strong><\/p>\n One of the core thesis of Failure of Nerve<\/em> is that leaders do not fail because they lack information, skill, or technique, but because they lack the nerve to stand firm in the midst of peoples emotional anxiety and reacting.[1] Through Friedman’s book and my recent coaching, I have come to realize that there is a pattern in my ministry where I fail because of high anxiety people wanting control or to change things so their fear of emotions can be less. I have found I have often stepped into the trap of someones emotional anxiety. Often I have found myself questioning myself, leadership, and at times, my calling.<\/p>\n Emotional Process<\/strong><\/p>\n We see that one of the key concepts of understanding leadership focuses on the idea of emotional process. We see in the family, church, and institutions there is a certain environment and a way of operating in that culture. We see that there can be many subcultures in that culture as well. It is important that we are aware of these cultures, but mostly as Christian leaders what the Holy Spirit is doing in that culture and partner with that.<\/p>\n Leaders Presence<\/strong><\/p>\n This is one of my main goals as a leader to be more present. To be more present in the moment, conversations, and relationally. To truly be a pastor. I believe this is an area where my Identity Gift works against my calling as a pastor. Worse, combined with a little bit of dopamine my desk turns into a command center and I become task oriented and accomplish driven, instead of fulfilling my calling as a pastor and being present in the moment of those I lead.<\/p>\n Over the weekend, I prayed and asked the Lord for help as I wanted to recenter myself on Him. I felt my life and responsibilities were going faster than I could keep up with, I just wanted to simplify again. I had allowed myself to get too busy again. The Lord gave me a song called Deliverance (Live) from Gateway Worship from the Greater Than album. As I listened to this album, I began to cry, I began to worship, I began to “declare that Jesus is my deliverer.” As I sang this song and declared these words, my emotions and thoughts focused on Him. My deliverer.<\/p>\n Personal Application<\/strong><\/p>\n My goal through this program, is that upon graduation I am a well differentiated leader. Therefore His love for me can defeat the anxiety I have in a hostile situation of high emotions, hight anxiety where I do not react emotionally but respond with Living Water and cool the fire in that person.<\/p>\n Conclusion<\/strong><\/p>\n In conclusion, Friedman’s book is a treasure chest full of gold. Often we just need to stop and pray and ask the Holy Spirit for a key to open the treasure chest to see the gold inside of someone. Too often we see the outside of the treasure chest and do not place value in things that do not catch our immediate attention. We want the quick fix, instead of being willing to go through the process. This is where tempering as a leader is so important. We see the process in Tempered Resilience<\/em> by Tod Bolsinger is so important.[3]<\/p>\n [1] Freidman, Edwin H.A. Failure of Nerve, 2017<\/p>\n [2] Tom Camacho, Mining for God: Developing Kingdom Leaders through Coaching (LaVergne: IVP, 2019)<\/p>\n [3] Bolsinger, Tod. 2020. Tempered Resilience. Intervarsity Press.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" As we go through the doctoral program, we learn and apply from each book we read, blog, and discuss. I have personally found that I am learning a great deal through my colleagues. In Monday’s zoom class, I again realized what a gift it is to be in this program. 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