{"id":30340,"date":"2023-01-21T13:06:28","date_gmt":"2023-01-21T21:06:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=30340"},"modified":"2023-01-21T13:06:28","modified_gmt":"2023-01-21T21:06:28","slug":"jesus-self-differentiates","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/jesus-self-differentiates\/","title":{"rendered":"Jesus Self-Differentiates"},"content":{"rendered":"

Doctor Seuss’ books were a favorite growing up. I remember a less popular Doctor Seuss book titled: \u201cAre You My Mother?\u201d As a young child I thought it was pretty silly to follow the main character, a little bird, on his journey to find who his mother was. Asking who my mother is could be compared to asking a rhetorical question. My response would be \u201cNo duh, I know who my mother is!\u201d Jesus, who is the master at getting people to think and consider what a new Kingdom might look like, flips the coin with the answer to this question. The answer to who your mother is might not be answered so easily. The focus of this blog will be on the second chapter of Edwin Friedman\u2019s book <\/span>Failure of Nerve<\/span><\/i> and how the author’s findings support Jesus differentiation when he asks in Matthew 12:46-50, \u201cWho is my mother, and who are my brothers?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Friedman argues that a society’s regression can be found in any institution in America. This regression is characterized by the herd mentality, chronic anxiety, and leaders\u2019 inability to self-differentiate. He states, \u201cThe most critical issue in understanding human institutions is how well they are able to handle the natural tension between individuality and togetherness.\u201d[1] Jesus makes His individuality known in a surprising way in Matthew 12:46-50. Jesus is found talking to a crowd. Meanwhile, his family members stood outside, waiting to talk with him. When Jesus was told that they were wanting to talk with Him, He said, \u201cWho is my mother, and who are my brothers? Matt. 12:28(New International Version) This question would be mind boggling to those who were listening. I will look at why Jesus possibly said this and how the hearers might have heard this question. Friedman would support Jesus in His ability to self-differentiate from His family, but Jesus does more than this. Jesus redefines family.<\/span><\/p>\n

The culture Jesus lived in was completely oriented around the family. Like many cultures, in Jewish homes, parents are established as those who would command the respect and consideration of the children. Dale and Sandy Hansen, in their book: <\/span>Questions Jesus Asks<\/span><\/i>, states, \u201cClose family ties were the norm in the culture in which Jesus grew up. While respecting His family members, Jesus had even higher priorities.\u201d [2] What is a higher priority than family? Jesus was wanting his listeners to gain new insight as to what family is to look like, how it is defined and how it is to function. Jesus did not jump up to go outside and inquire of his family members: \u201cHey bro!\u201d, \u201cYo ma! What\u2019s up?\u201d Instead, Jesus says, \u201cHere are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.\u201d Matt. 12:49 Jesus\u2019 ties to His family went only so far, His new family, the Church, was being established in His midst. Friedman begins to describe this: a \u201cWell defined self in a leader\u2013 what I call self-differentiation\u2013 is not only critical to effective leadership, it is precisely the leadership characteristic that is most likely to promote the kind of community that preserves the self of its members.\u201d[3] Jesus separates himself from his earthly family and associates himself with those in his presence as they were those who were seeking to do the will of the Father. Those who demonstrate good relationship skills \u201cuse fast track relational skills to build groups that love working together and love to tell others about their mission and their leader.\u201d [4] Jesus not only uses good relationship skills but gives a picture for the Church, the Family of God. Jesus loved to tell people about His mission and His Father.<\/span><\/p>\n

In addition to Jesus separating himself from his earthly family and establishing the Church, God’s family, there were other intentions Jesus had in communicating the way He did. One of the reasons Jesus possibly did not get up and talk with his family members was to role model self-differentiation. He wanted his words to match his actions. \u201cThe right side of our brain doesn\u2019t learn with words. It learns by imitation and practice. The identity center of the brain has a heavy concentration of mirror neurons.\u00a0 Mirror neurons reflect what they see.\u201d [5] Being in relationship with Christ meant following and leaving family behind. \u201cA disciple said to him, \u2018Lord, first let me go and bury my father.\u2019 But Jesus told him, \u2018Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.\u201d Matt. 8:21-23. Jesus wanted the people around him to observe how he would respond to his family. He communicated the importance of hearing God\u2019s words and making fellowship with other believers a priority.<\/span><\/p>\n

With Christ\u2019s alarming example of staying with fellow believers instead of attending to his family members, we can only imagine his followers’ attempts at processing this new way of looking at family. In Stephen Young\u2019s book<\/span> Micromessaging<\/span><\/i>, Jesus\u2019 communication can be described like this: \u201cWhen we find ourselves thrown into a culture vastly different from our own, intellect meets reality, and we briefly go into culture shock.\u201c[6] I believe this was the culture shock that Jesus intended the listeners to have. Jesus was introducing a different culture, the culture of the Kingdom. Friedman puts it simply, \u201cThe expression of self in a leader is what makes the evolution of community possible.\u201d[7] This new Church community was beginning to evolve because Jesus was able to distinguish himself as the Christ, no longer just Jesus of Nazareth.<\/span><\/p>\n

In Mark 3:20-21 Jesus \u201centered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, \u201che is out of his mind.\u201d Family conflict could have easily ensued, but instead you find Jesus talking to the crowds in parables. Conflict can \u201cseduce leaders into thinking that the way to bring change is by exerting their will upon the family rather than by modifying its resistance through their own being and presence.\u201d[8] Jesus did not fall into the trap of exerting his will. His followers must have been in awe or bewilderment at his composure and non-reactivity.<\/span><\/p>\n

Jesus’ words come like a lightning bolt with this question. \u201cWho is my mother, who are my brothers?\u201d\u00a0 I would rather hear Jesus\u2019 kind words to Mary when he was on the cross, as he saw her and said, \u201cWoman, here is your son.\u201d John 19:26\u00a0 Jesus was referring to his disciple John who was standing close to Mary. These words reflect a son\u2019s love and desire to comfort his mother. Jesus\u2019 mission set him apart and demanded not only self-differentiation but death on a cross.<\/span> Self-differentiation is having a complete identity with the Father, requiring complete obedience to the Father.<\/span><\/p>\n

I can relate to Brene Brown who gives a small example of self-differentiating from family when she chooses what values she wants to live by. She shares in her book <\/span>Dare to Lead<\/span><\/i>, \u201cMy two central values are faith and courage. I hated not circling \u2018family.\u2019 But as I dug in, I realized that while my family is the most important thing in my life, my commitment to them is fueled by my faith and courage.\u201d [9] I must agree, not choosing family would be difficult for me. I want to continue to grow in \u201cdifferentiation of self\u201d because it \u201cis vital to life\u2019s survival and development.\u201d[10] It is vital to my relationship with Jesus and identifying with His family.<\/span><\/p>\n

[1] Freidman, Edwin H., A Failure of Nerve, 2017, p.63<\/span><\/p>\n

[2] Larsen, Dale & Sandy,\u00a0 Questions Jesus Asks, 2019,\u00a0 p.12<\/span><\/p>\n

[3] Friedman, Edwin H.,\u00a0 p.174<\/span><\/p>\n

[4] Warner, Marcus, Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership, 2016,p.111<\/span><\/p>\n

[5] Ibid. p.110<\/span><\/p>\n

[6] Young, Stephen, Micromessaging, 2007, p.86<\/span><\/p>\n

[7] Freidman, Edwin H.,\u00a0 p.174<\/span><\/p>\n

[8] Ibid. p.76<\/span><\/p>\n

[9] Brown, Brene, Dare to Lead: Brave Work, Tough Conversations, Whole Hearts, 2018, p.189<\/span><\/p>\n

[10] Friedman, Edwin H., p.175<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Doctor Seuss’ books were a favorite growing up. I remember a less popular Doctor Seuss book titled: \u201cAre You My Mother?\u201d As a young child I thought it was pretty silly to follow the main character, a little bird, on his journey to find who his mother was. Asking who my mother is could be […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":165,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[239,2534],"class_list":["post-30340","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-freidman","tag-matthew-1246-50","cohort-dlgp01"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30340","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/165"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=30340"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30340\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":30341,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30340\/revisions\/30341"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=30340"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=30340"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=30340"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}