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Tod Bolsinger writes about the process of becoming a leader who can survive the crucible of leadership \u2013 particularly, change-initiating leadership \u2013 in his book Tempered Resilience<\/em>.[2]<\/a> This requires a process of being \u201ctempered.\u201d The unfortunate reality is resistance (sabotage) is unavoidable in good leadership. As Edwin Friedman writes, \u201ca leader can never assume success because he or she has brought about a change. It is only after having first brought about a change and then subsequently endured the resultant sabotage that the leader can feel truly successful.\u201d[3]<\/a> Becoming the kind of person who can withstand this requires tempering. Bolsinger writes, \u201cTempering a leader is a process of reflection, relationships, and practices during the act of leading that form resilience to continue leading when the resistance is highest.\u201d[4]<\/a> He breaks down six stages of the tempering process. They are found in the figure below:<\/p>\n Figure 1 – Tod Bolsinger, Tempered Resilience: How Leaders Are Formed in the Crucible of Change (InterVarsity Press, 2020), 6.<\/p><\/div>\n <\/p>\n For this post, I will highlight each stage and how I am currently engaging with that particular tempering process.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Working: Leaders are formed in leading.<\/strong><\/p>\n Currently, I am leading a department with five staff that report to me. This is my first experience of managing staff and leading ministries I am not directly involved in. This experience is teaching and shaping me more than simply reading books on leadership theory (not that reading books is unimportant, but the actual practice of leading is far more formative).<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Heating: Strength is forged in self-reflection.<\/strong><\/p>\n In leading, we feel the heat of our vulnerabilities, insecurities, and weakness.[5]<\/a> We can choose to ignore them and project strength, but this causes us to be brittle leaders, and not the kind of leaders people want to follow. The other day during a team meeting, a member pushed back on something I said and gave another idea for an event we were planning. In that moment, I felt offended. In fact, the feeling of offense lingered the rest of the evening. It took everything inside of me to keep from saying, \u201cNo, we\u2019re going to do what I said. Need I remind you who the boss of this department is?\u201d But the next day, I pushed myself into further reflection. This involved asking questions such as \u201cWhy was I offended? What inside of me felt threatened?\u201d This is the uncomfortable heat of facing my weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and insecurities that surface in the crucible of leadership.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Holding: Vulnerable leadership requires security.<\/strong><\/p>\n Few people are as dangerous as an isolated leader, void of meaningful, secure relationships. Fortunately, my life is rich with relationships. There are people in my life who are not impressed by my position or accomplishments, but know me for who I am. This includes my wife, my best friends (two guys I went to college with who are also in leadership positions within their organizations), and my mentor (a 73-year-old retired pastor who cares more about character than career).<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Hammering: Stress makes a leader.<\/strong><\/p>\n Just as an athlete needs to inflict physical stress on his or her muscles in order to improve, so do leaders need to lean into stress in order to increase their pain-management capacity. Good stress (and there is<\/em> a difference between good stress and bad stress that we do not have time to go into) is an invitation for growth. The times I have been stressed through leading outside of my comfort zone are the times I have grown in character and capacity.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Hewing: Resilience take practice. <\/strong><\/p>\n Leadership, like any skill, takes practice. And it is a practice of character formation. I will never forget in South Africa hearing Pastor Zonde state, \u201cLeadership is not a position. It is a person.\u201d In my early days of learning to preach, I gave some really bad sermons. The reason I am far better at preaching today than ten years ago is because of practice. Leadership is no different. This is why practicing the spiritual disciplines is critical for me to become a leader with Christ-like character.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Tempering: Resilience comes through a rhythm of leading and not leading. <\/strong><\/p>\n Let\u2019s return to the athlete analogy. Training does not solely require stressing the muscles in order to become stronger. Good training is a rhythm of stress and rest. Continual stress is not good for any athlete. This is the same with leadership. Taking all of my vacation days each year is a non-negotiable for me, as well as maintaining a weekly rhythm of sabbath. Without these rhythms of rest, I will surely break.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Becoming Tempered – Thick Skin, and a Soft Heart <\/strong><\/p>\n Years ago I was in a meeting with a group of young church staff and a seasoned pastor imparting wisdom to us. He made a statement that has remained with me since: \u201cI want to go through my ministry days with thick skin and a soft heart.\u201d Possessing only one of these is dangerous. Tempered steel \u201cis perfectly balanced at the midpoint between too soft to be useful as a tool and so brittle that the tool will break through hard use.\u201d[6]<\/a> Leaders must develop this balance. This is the kind of leader I want to become. And this will require some tempering.<\/p>\n [1]<\/a> Tod Bolsinger, Tempered Resilience: How Leaders Are Formed in the Crucible of Change<\/em> (InterVarsity Press, 2020), 77.<\/p>\n [2]<\/a> Ibid.<\/p>\n [3]<\/a> Friedman, A Failure of Nerve, 262<\/em>.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/Screen-Shot-2022-12-06-at-8.39.46-AM-300x153.png\")
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