I am racist. Yes, I admit it. I struggle and push against my racism. I do not want to be racist, but it is there. In a recent conversation with a friend of mine, I told her that I think that anyone who claims to not be racist is racist. We all have minor or major views of self-grandiosity. When I was younger, I would have told you that I was not racist. I would have said this while crossing the street to avoid a black man or silently judging the people speaking Spanish while waiting in line. These were unconscious acts because of my upbringing, because of what my parents taught me. That does not excuse this behavior or make it right.<\/p>\n
During Covid, I attended a Zoom discussion panel on racism put on by the Foursquare Scholars Fellowship. As we were concluding, one of the panelists said something that has stuck with me. It was something to the effect of, \u201cIf we are still talking about this a year from now, this forum will have been for nothing.\u201d She was encouraging us to action. Why is it that we still struggle as a nation with racism? The Civil War was over a hundred and fifty years ago. The Civil Rights Movement was decades ago. What is it that continues this horrible cycle? I think that, at least to some degree, we find the answer in narcissism and shame.<\/p>\n
In talking about narcissistic behaviors, vulnerability and shame expert Bren\u00e9 Brown wrote in her book Daring Greatly<\/em>, \u201cShame is more likely to be the cause of these behaviors, not the cure.\u201d[i]<\/a> As I have processed shame and racism in America through the lens of Shelby Steele\u2019s book Shame: How America\u2019s Past Sins Have Polarized Our Country<\/em>, I see a connection between racism and narcissistic behavior.<\/p>\n Narcissism is a personality disorder with diagnostic criteria including:<\/p>\n While racism is not discussed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, these specific traits of narcissists are similar to racism. At the heart of racism is a belief that I am better than anyone else, that my way is the best way. We discussed this idea when we talked about Meyer and Cultural Mapping. It is a selfish way of thinking.<\/p>\n Steele\u2019s argument is that our recognition of this behavior, this history of racism brings shame. He writes, \u201cWhite America was like a man who had been leaning rakishly on a fireplace mantle, chatting amicably with friends, when suddenly the mantle had simply collapsed, and he found himself flailing in midair against gravity itself.\u201d[iii]<\/a> This flailing causes embarrassment and shame. It leads to behavior to minimize those feelings. The man might yell at someone for startling him, claim that he was shoved, or blame poor craftsmanship for the mantle falling.<\/p>\n The reality we live in is that the blinders are gone. We see racism for what it is. We understand how our ancestors behaved and know it was wrong. Yet we are also still taught and still teach those same behaviors. Many are so subtle and part of our identity that we do not even see them, such as our vocabulary. Have you ever done a \u201cChinese fire drill,\u201d called someone an \u201cIndian giver,\u201d or said, \u201chold on a cotton-picking minute?\u201d I am not proud to admit that I have. When we say things like this, we continue the cycle of racism.<\/p>\n I am conflicted when it comes to calling out these behaviors. I believe is important to say something, but if, as Brown suggests, this continues the cycle and leads to more actions of racism, what does it help? What does it do to highlight the wrongness of an action to a person who does not want to listen? I think it speaks our character. It says we are not willing to allow the cycle to continue. We will not let the person continue to feign ignorance. And just maybe, by modeling a behavior of change, we will inspire others to change. Maybe one time instead of feeling shame, the person will feel conviction and conviction leads to change. As Steele puts it, \u201cChallenging our traditions and conventions, our entire way of life, was a first step toward recovering the moral authority we had lost to our hypocrisies.\u201d[iv]<\/a><\/p>\n Paul reminds us in Philippians 2:3-4 \u201cDo nothing from\u00a0selfish ambition or\u00a0conceit, but in\u00a0humility count others more significant than yourselves.\u00a0Let each of you\u00a0look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.\u201d (ESV) I desire to draw ever closer to this picture of Jesus. I am a racist and I think being able to admit that is the first step toward not being one. And I humbly ask you, my friends and colleagues, to please call me out when I say or do anything racist.<\/p>\n \n [i]<\/a> Bren\u00e9 Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead<\/em>, (New York: Penguin Random House, 2012), iBooks page 42 of 441<\/p>\n [ii]<\/a> Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: Fifth Edition (DSM-5) <\/em>(Arlington: American Psychiatric Association, 2013), pg. 669-670<\/p>\n\n