{"id":29558,"date":"2022-11-17T05:35:47","date_gmt":"2022-11-17T13:35:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=29558"},"modified":"2022-11-17T05:35:47","modified_gmt":"2022-11-17T13:35:47","slug":"questions-the-magic-in-the-cards","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/questions-the-magic-in-the-cards\/","title":{"rendered":"Questions-The Magic in the Cards"},"content":{"rendered":"

Eva Poole, in <\/span>Leadersmithing Revealing the Trade Secrets of Leadership <\/span><\/i>provides a \u201cgo to\u201d manual that any leader would benefit from having handy in their library. Poole separates her book into Theory and Practice and uses the metaphor of a deck of cards which describes the various skill sets any leader must have.[1] As I read this book imperfectly, I began to take note of how often the author mentioned the use of questions, as an example, model, or direct intervention. Surprisingly, questions are woven into the various skills that the author mentions, giving rise to the necessity of question asking. My NPO centers around this topic and I will use this blog to catalog several opportunities when questions might be used. I will apply how these questions are used with an example from recent counseling sessions. Apart from creating a self-serving tool, I hope to share how relevant the skill of asking questions is by citing how the author instructs leaders in this timeless practice. Let\u2019s see how the magic of asking questions plays out in the cards!<\/span><\/p>\n

Critical Incident: Managing Ambiguity<\/b><\/p>\n

How often do we, as leaders, fill a meeting or a conversation with information that does not provide the value we would like? Poole provides an example of a leader catching herself talking in a meeting about \u201copinions, solutions, and decisions\u201d she \u201cwasn\u2019t ready for.\u201d [2] She says this leader stated: \u201cI wish I had just kept my mouth shut. Or at least responded with a brilliant question.\u201d [3] When there is uncertainty, we need to be ok with not having the answers and refrain from sharing opinions. A good option would be to ask a question which might prompt insight or discussion from others. I like the approach Patrick Lencioni takes in committing to clarifying goals at the end of a meeting by \u201ccalling a question.\u201d [4] This could be asking, \u201cWhat have we decided in our meeting today?\u201d Lencioni says this is the responsibility of the \u201cleader of the team.\u201d [5] Clarifying questions dispels any ambiguity the team might have in what decisions are needing to be made.<\/span><\/p>\n

At the end of a session, I often direct the conversation to the client and ask them: \u201cWhat would you like to put into action from this session today?\u201d or \u201cWhat homework would you like to give yourself today?\u201d This allows the client to come up with measurable action steps which they choose for themselves. Asking these questions takes away the uncertainty of what the client will be working on.<\/span><\/p>\n

Motivating and Influencing Others<\/b><\/p>\n

Poole provides a list of 12 questions when \u201canswered positively, correlated with higher levels of productivity, profit, retention and customer satisfaction.\u201d These questions come from the \u201cGallup 12\u201d which is a well-known study measuring the \u201cstrength of a workplace.\u201d [6] Among some of these questions are: 1) Do you know what is expected of you at work? 2) At work, do you have the opportunity to do what you do best every day? 3) In the last seven days, have you received recognition or praise for doing good work?<\/span><\/p>\n

I am working with a client who struggles with having assertive communication skills with her manager. My client has shared how her manager takes advantage of her time by talking with her at the end of the workday, delaying her departure. I affirmed this client by highlighting the good work that she does and asked her questions about what would help her feel more comfortable in approaching her manager. I asked her many questions on how to talk with her manager. Examples of these are: How might you share what you are thinking with your manager? and What time would you want to talk with your manager? After employing the new skill of assertive communication, my client has grown to feel comfortable approaching her manager. Questions lead people to be fearless\u2026so why are we often afraid of questions? We shouldn\u2019t be!<\/span><\/p>\n

6 of Hearts-Coaching<\/b><\/p>\n

The author shares how she was trained in coaching \u201cby the legendary Sir John Whitmore,\u201d and described this experience: \u201chis course took two days in which all we did was ask each other a lot of questions.\u201d [7] Whitmore devised a GROW model for asking questions: G:Goal, R:Reality, O:Options, W:Will. Poole outlines 27 questions with this model. [8]. These questions assist in goal setting.<\/span><\/p>\n

I recently gave some of these questions to a client to consider as he is in the process of deciding to get a divorce or stay with the wife he has been married to for many years. The questions<\/span> from the GROW model will have significant ramifications for this client. These are the kind of questions that only he can answer: Which of the options will you choose? What obstacles do you expect to meet? And What is your level of commitment in achieving this goal? I am eager to hear how he has processed these questions.<\/span><\/p>\n

7 of Hearts- Choreographed conversations<\/b><\/p>\n

The author describes conversations as needing either a push or a pull in the \u201cdance\u201d of a conversation. The \u201cpull\u201d style which \u2018facilitates interventions\u2019 is catalytic and is described as \u201casking questions to speed the thinking process along.\u201d [9] Patrick Lencioni, in Overcoming the Five Dysfunctions of a Team, similarly promotes the use of questions as an \u201ceffective way to diffuse tension in the room and move the team forward.\u201d [10] Using questions facilitates a discussion in a positive direction.<\/span><\/p>\n

I am working with a couple where the husband confessed to not being kind to his wife and the wife has shed tears while talking about the hurtful words he has spoken. As a counselor, I am in an objective role where I can diffuse emotions by asking questions and help the husband expand his comfort level in emotional expression. My goal is to empower the wife by tapping into rational processing while not feeling shame in shedding tears. I was able to ask: \u201cWhat is your comfort level in seeing your wife cry?\u201d and \u201cHow was processing this today when tears were accepted and normalized?<\/span><\/p>\n

Leadersmithing highlights the need to employ the skill of asking questions and validates how useful questions can be. I am constantly challenged as a clinician in determining which questions will be most effective in working with my clients. There are many cards to draw upon. I am growing in discerning which card to play.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

[1] Poole, Eve, Leadersmithing Revealing the Secrets of Leadership, 2017. p. 73<\/span><\/p>\n

[2] Ibid. p.17<\/span><\/p>\n

[3] Ibid. p.17<\/span><\/p>\n

[4] Lencioni, Patrick, Overcoming the Five Dysfunctions of a Team, A Field Guide, p.54<\/span><\/p>\n

[5] Ibid.p.54<\/span><\/p>\n

[6] Poole, p.22<\/span><\/p>\n

[7] Ibid. p.167<\/span><\/p>\n

[8] Ibid. p.169<\/span><\/p>\n

[9] Ibid p.167<\/span><\/p>\n

[10] Lencioni, p.94<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Eva Poole, in Leadersmithing Revealing the Trade Secrets of Leadership provides a \u201cgo to\u201d manual that any leader would benefit from having handy in their library. Poole separates her book into Theory and Practice and uses the metaphor of a deck of cards which describes the various skill sets any leader must have.[1] As I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":165,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[2347,2091,2090],"class_list":["post-29558","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-dlgp01","tag-leadersmithing","tag-poole","cohort-dlgp01"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29558","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/165"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=29558"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29558\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":29559,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29558\/revisions\/29559"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=29558"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=29558"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=29558"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}