{"id":29088,"date":"2022-10-13T23:05:04","date_gmt":"2022-10-14T06:05:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=29088"},"modified":"2022-10-13T23:05:04","modified_gmt":"2022-10-14T06:05:04","slug":"growing-into-a-calm-steady-presence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/growing-into-a-calm-steady-presence\/","title":{"rendered":"Growing Into a Calm, Steady Presence"},"content":{"rendered":"

I am slowly digesting the thoughts of Edwin Friedman as presented in his book, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. <\/em>Friedman\u2019s main idea is that successful leaders operating in the current, highly anxious climate of the United States, must show up with a strong sense of self, an ability to make clear decisions, and a calm, steady presence.[1]<\/a> As a country, we have made the mistake of trying similar leadership approaches repeatedly and have not obtained effective results.[2]<\/a> The key for Friedman lies in shifting our focus from leadership techniques to an emphasis on \u201ca leader\u2019s own presence and being.\u201d[3]<\/a> He adds, \u201cClearly defined, non-anxious leadership promotes healthy differentiation.\u201d[4]<\/a> Ironically, as we define the boundaries that separate ourselves from others, people around us are encouraged to do the same, and the result is a healthy, functioning, connected organization or family system.<\/p>\n

I am particularly intrigued with Friedman\u2019s thoughts on the role of empathy as expressed by a leader. He says, \u201cIt has rarely been my experience that being sensitive to others will enable those \u2018others\u2019 to be more self-aware, that being more \u2018understanding\u2019 of others causes them to mature, or that appreciating the plight of others will make them more responsible for their being, their condition, or their destiny.\u201d [5]<\/a> He stresses that putting a lot of energy into understanding the feelings of others will most likely dilute that person\u2019s, and potentially the leader\u2019s, sense of responsibility for themselves.<\/p>\n

Friedman\u2019s words surprised me. Doesn\u2019t the world need more empathy? According to Clifton and Harter, the instinctive ability to understand the feelings of other people is a powerful addition to the workplace.[6]<\/a> My leadership style has always included empathy and striving to hear and understand the needs of others. I have, however, noticed that my approach does not work well with everyone on my team and at times has allowed for mission drift and harmful deconstruction of our processes. In addition, it has allowed these same teammates to make excuses for their lack of productivity, blaming other people and circumstances for their paralysis. This has been frustrating for me and my team. Friedman believes that leaders who focus on being nice, get repeated sabotage.[7]<\/a> This is definitely food for thought.<\/p>\n

This week, I had some conversations with two coworkers that offered an opportunity to focus on responsibility over empathy. Though I tried to communicate clearly and respectfully, working to \u201cdifferentiate\u201d myself, my words were not received well. It\u2019s one thing to learn to speak\u00a0 the words that define you and another to navigate the responses that ensue. This will take practice and I will need to find the balance of empathy and responsibility that reflects me as a person.<\/p>\n

I am committed to getting better at this and hope to embrace the journey of ever maturing, more deeply understanding myself, and striving to steadily bring positive leadership to my current and future teams over the course of my lifetime.[8]<\/a> Says Friedman of this learning process, \u201cNo one does this easily, and most leaders\u2026 can improve their capacity.\u201d[9]<\/a> I look forward to growing more fully into a leader who can show up with a strong sense of self, demonstrate an ability to make clear decisions, and at the core, be a calm, steady presence.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[1]<\/a> Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix <\/em>(New York, NY: Church Publishing, 2017), 14.<\/p>\n

[2]<\/a> Friedman, 3.<\/p>\n

[3]<\/a> Friedman, 4.<\/p>\n

[4]<\/a> Friedman, 215.<\/p>\n

[5]<\/a> Friedman, 145-146.<\/p>\n

[6]<\/a> Marcus Buckingham and Donald Clifton, Now, Discover Your Strengths <\/em>(New York, NY: The Free Press, 2001), 97.<\/p>\n

[7]<\/a> Friedman, 14-15.<\/p>\n

[8]<\/a> Kevin Neuner, https:\/\/vialogue.wordpress.com\/2017\/07\/01\/a-failure-of-nerve-review-notes\/<\/a>, video, July 1, 2017.<\/p>\n

[9]<\/a> Friedman, 16.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am slowly digesting the thoughts of Edwin Friedman as presented in his book, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. Friedman\u2019s main idea is that successful leaders operating in the current, highly anxious climate of the United States, must show up with a strong sense of self, an ability […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":157,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[236],"class_list":["post-29088","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-friedman","cohort-dlgp01"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29088","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/157"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=29088"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29088\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":29091,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29088\/revisions\/29091"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=29088"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=29088"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=29088"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}