{"id":29069,"date":"2022-10-13T09:20:54","date_gmt":"2022-10-13T16:20:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=29069"},"modified":"2022-10-14T08:09:05","modified_gmt":"2022-10-14T15:09:05","slug":"non-anxious-leaders-in-anxious-systems","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/non-anxious-leaders-in-anxious-systems\/","title":{"rendered":"Non-Anxious Leaders in Anxious Systems"},"content":{"rendered":"

If Dr. Murray Bowen\u2019s theory of family systems highlights the need for the self-differentiation of the most mature, non-anxious member of a family system,<\/span>[1]<\/span> Dr. Edwin Friedman\u2019s <\/span>Failure of Nerve <\/span><\/i>applies this theory to organizations while illustrating how it works in cellular biology. The essence of Friedman\u2019s exhortation for leaders \u2013 in his words, \u201cfrom parents to presidents\u201d \u2013 was to resist the temptation to be sucked into the anxiety of the system, avoid triangulation, and thus seek quick fixes. On the other side of this exhortation is an invitation: to self-regulate one\u2019s anxiety and differentiate oneself from the system. In other words, to have a core to one\u2019s being that is not moved by the anxiety around oneself due to the lack of core from those around.<\/span><\/p>\n

This is easier said than done. When a self-differentiated leader holds a non-anxious, well-defined stance in an enmeshed, anxious system, there will always be resistance and sabotage, whether intentional or not.<\/span>[2]<\/span> Friedman highlights that malignant cells are like people who have no core purpose or identity.<\/span>[3]<\/span>The immature team member acts out of selfishness and reactivity. There is no guiding, self-directed and self-defined purpose for such an individual. This is why the immaturity of an individual team member is cancer to a team\u2019s health. As a youth and young adult pastor, I have learned from <\/span>Fuller Youth Institute<\/span><\/i> the great need to help young people find in Jesus the answer to their three main questions in life, which are, \u201cWho am I? Where do I belong? What is my purpose?\u201d<\/span>[4]<\/span> In reading Friedman, I have obtained added urgency in the importance of discipling young people. For we are not just making disciples of Jesus, we are unmaking malignant cells that cause dysfunction in systems due to their lack of a nucleus (identity and purpose). For leaders baffled at the reactivity of immature team members, remembering malignant cells will bring clarity to the frustration.<\/span><\/p>\n

Because of this, it is vital for the individual who has taken the most responsibility for his or her own emotions and future \u2013 what Friedman defines as maturity \u2013 to take care of his or her well-being. Leadership, whether that be parenting or leading a complex organization, will have to deal with the reactivity of others. For leaders this means:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It is only when leaders value self that they can prevent it from being eroded by the chronic anxiety of a society in regression. It is only when leaders value self that they can muster the self-regulation necessary for countering the sabotage that will greet them, ironically, in direct relation to the extent that they value and express their self.<\/span>[5]<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Friedman\u2019s work is deeply informative and has caused my own leadership growth to focus managing my emotional reactivity and anxiety. My vision is to be a more self-differentiated leader a year from now than I am today. That being said, I have pushback in the form of two questions. First, does this elevate Western culture that is more individualistic, and disadvantage non-Western cultures that are more collectivistic? I wonder what Pastor Zonde would say about <\/span>Failure of Nerve<\/span><\/i> being that he is a lifelong student of leadership as well as someone who has lived in a collectivistic culture with \u201cubuntu\u201d as the norm. Second, does focusing on strength devalue the Judeo-Christian ethos of caring for the poor and vulnerable? As I was reading Friedman, I wondered if taking this to the furthest logical conclusion resulted in a Darwinian ethos with the strong getting stronger.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Regardless of this critique, Friedman\u2019s work is immensely informative. It puts to words past and present frustrations, infuses courage to be non-anxious in an anxious environment, and provides vision for the kind of leader I want to be.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[1]<\/span> Bowenian Therapy, 2015, https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=Em1hFfIk9hs.<\/span><\/p>\n

[2]<\/span> Friedman, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (10th Anniversary, Revised Edition) (Church Publishing, Inc., 2017). 261-262.<\/span><\/p>\n

[3]<\/span> Ibid. 151.<\/span><\/p>\n

[4]<\/span> Kara Powell and Brad M. Griffin, 3 Big Questions That Change Every Teenager: Making the Most of Your Conversations and Connections (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Books, 2021).<\/span><\/p>\n

[5]<\/span> Ibid. 185.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If Dr. Murray Bowen\u2019s theory of family systems highlights the need for the self-differentiation of the most mature, non-anxious member of a family system,[1] Dr. Edwin Friedman\u2019s Failure of Nerve applies this theory to organizations while illustrating how it works in cellular biology. The essence of Friedman\u2019s exhortation for leaders \u2013 in his words, \u201cfrom […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":152,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[2347,1392,2170,236,35],"class_list":["post-29069","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-dlgp01","tag-a-failure-of-nerve","tag-anxiety","tag-friedman","tag-leadership","cohort-dlgp01"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29069","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/152"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=29069"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29069\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":29070,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29069\/revisions\/29070"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=29069"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=29069"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=29069"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}