{"id":29062,"date":"2022-10-12T23:27:49","date_gmt":"2022-10-13T06:27:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=29062"},"modified":"2022-10-12T23:27:49","modified_gmt":"2022-10-13T06:27:49","slug":"discovering-differentiation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/discovering-differentiation\/","title":{"rendered":"Discovering Differentiation"},"content":{"rendered":"

My NPO is coming to life as I am reading A Failure of Nerve<\/em> by Edwin H. Friedman.\u00a0 My NPO centers around the questions that Jesus asked and considering what we might learn from them.\u00a0 In becoming a well differentiated leader, considering the questions Jesus asks provides a pathway to walk in discovering differentiation.\u00a0 Friedman describes a well differentiated leader as \u201csomeone who has clarity about his or her own life goals and, therefore, someone who is less likely to become lost in the anxious emotional process swirling about.\u201d [1] Jesus was the master at helping people discover who they are in their relationship with Himself, in relationship with themselves and others. I will look at several of the questions Jesus asked and explain how this successfully helped people become well differentiated.\u00a0 I will also share some of my thoughts in my journey towards becoming a well differentiated leader.<\/p>\n

The questions Jesus asked in helping people become differentiated:<\/p>\n

Luke 8:45 \u201cWho touched me?\u201d Jesus asked this question after the woman with the issue of blood had touched him in the middle of a crowd.\u00a0 Jesus wanted to see and identify the person who had been healed.\u00a0 This recognition was more than personal but public as well.\u00a0 How could this woman walk away without knowing who she was? She was seen and acknowledged by Jesus.\u00a0 How could this community of people continue to shame her after Jesus healed her?\u00a0 This woman had a new discovery of who she was and was freed from the swirling emotions (within and from others) that would no longer define her future.<\/p>\n

Luke 17:17 \u201cWere not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?\u201d\u00a0 Jesus is addressing these questions to the man who returned to praise and thank Him for healing him of leprosy.\u00a0 Jesus is also letting these questions be heard by others within earshot.\u00a0 This healed man is set apart as he gave praise and thanks while the other nine did not.\u00a0 When Jesus said, \u201cRise and go, your faith has made you well,\u201d (v.19) this man could walk away with a a clearer picture of who he was and who he was in his community.<\/p>\n

John 5:6 \u201cDo you want to get well?\u201d\u00a0 Jesus asked the man who had been at the pool of Bethesda and an invalid for twenty-eight years this question.\u00a0 Being an invalid had defined this man\u2019s life and Jesus wanted to know if he wanted a new life by being healed.\u00a0 Simon Walker states in Leading Out of Who You Are, <\/em>that \u201cthe only proper goal of leadership is concerned with the task of helping people to move towards fully mature, responsible personhood.” [2] Jesus was seeking this in asking the man if he wanted to get well.<\/p>\n

Jesus had the power and authority to do as He wished but He prioritized letting others take responsibility for what they wanted in their lives.\u00a0 Jesus waited to see if people would take ownership of a new life, that which He had for them.\u00a0 Jesus offered: healing, salvation, and a new way of living in community.\u00a0 Friedman supports the conclusion that what breaks ground for change is \u201creframing questions\u201d, not \u201clooking for answers.\u201d [3] In asking the right questions, the people who Jesus ministered to were able to grow in being well differentiated.<\/p>\n

Researching the questions Jesus asked has challenged me to become inquisitive for myself. In this past year I have taken the Strength finder assessment, and it confirmed my first strength as Individualization.\u00a0 According to Don Clifton in Discover Your Strength<\/em>, I am described as someone who is intrigued with the unique qualities of each person.\u201d\u00a0 [4] This Individualization strength is spelled out in detail as someone who is attuned to others.\u00a0 It\u2019s all about others.\u00a0 I have lived out this strength in many ways, but it is best revealed in my profession as a Marriage and Family Counselor. \u00a0With my focus on others, I believe I have not given myself as many opportunities to explore what might define myself.\u00a0 Friedman states that \u201cat the heart of the problem of contemporary America\u2019s orientation toward leadership is a devaluation of the process of individuation.\u201d [5] I am encouraged by Friedman to honor the unique strengths that I have.\u00a0 I believe this begins in asking myself the questions that I would ask any of my clients.\u00a0 What would I like to do?\u00a0 What does it look like to pursue work that energizes me most?\u00a0 In what capacities might I enjoy leading?\u00a0 Asking these questions and giving myself permission to entertain them has been needed in my own development. With an orientation towards others, I am growing in \u201caffirming self without seeing it as selfish.\u201d [6]<\/p>\n

A Failure of Nerve has prepared me for the sabotage that is inevitable in my leadership journey. Since I began my Doctor of Leadership, the homeostatic atmosphere in my home has been disrupted.\u00a0 Mom has less time to do \u201cmom things.\u201d As I have made decisions for myself, my family has needed to adjust in their expectations of me.\u00a0 Freidman would call this \u201cresistance as part and parcel of the systemic process of leadership.\u201d [7] My challenge is to keep the end goal in mind and continue to give time to my studies.\u00a0 Embracing individuation and sabotage are concepts that I will hold on to in my leadership journey.\u00a0 \u00a0I am grateful for the questions that Jesus is asking of me as I know His calling on my life is irrevocable. (Romans 11:29)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[1] A Failure of Nerve,<\/em> Edwin H. Friedman, 2017 p. 15<\/p>\n

[2] The Undefended Leader Leading out of Who you Are<\/em>, Simon P. Walker, 2007, p.153<\/p>\n

[3] Friedman, p.38<\/p>\n

[4]\u00a0 Strengthfinder 2.0 Discover Your CliftonStrengths<\/em>, Don Clifton, 2007, p. 109<\/p>\n

[5] Clifton, p.13<\/p>\n

[6] Friedman, p.27<\/p>\n

[7] Friedman, p.262<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My NPO is coming to life as I am reading A Failure of Nerve by Edwin H. Friedman.\u00a0 My NPO centers around the questions that Jesus asked and considering what we might learn from them.\u00a0 In becoming a well differentiated leader, considering the questions Jesus asks provides a pathway to walk in discovering differentiation.\u00a0 Friedman […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":165,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[1392],"class_list":["post-29062","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-a-failure-of-nerve"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29062","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/165"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=29062"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29062\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":29063,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29062\/revisions\/29063"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=29062"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=29062"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=29062"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}