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A South African Anglican Archbishop, a Dutch psychologist, and a Rabbi walk into a bar\u2026<\/p>\n
Comedy removed due to it causes to much anxiety inciting <\/em><\/p>\n trauma and no one was ready to forgive.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n All lightheartedness aside, as I begin this new semester reflecting\u00a0 on my first quarter in my new pastoral call, I believe a book that could weave together the wisdom of No Future without Forgiveness, The Body Keeps the Score, and A Failure of Nerve<\/em> would prove very helpful as I navigate attempting to be a well-differentiated leader with a community that needs finding a path toward forgiveness through the trauma of the past.\u00a0 But perhaps I am getting ahead of myself.<\/p>\n We begin this semester with two heavy hitters, giants among humanity who share their stories of devasting trauma and struggle as they worked for freedom for black South Africans and to redeem the dignity of people brutalized through apartheid. In his autobiography, Long Walk to Freedom<\/em>, Nelson Mandela (born Rolihlahla meaning \u201ctroublemaker\u201d) unpacks his journey that eventually landed him in prison as a terrorist for 27 years.\u00a0 Mandela shares the family stories, the relationships, and events that shaped him into the leader he became prior to becoming SA\u2019s first elected black President.\u00a0 His passion for justice and for his people got him into \u201ctrouble\u201d at times.\u00a0 Mandela freely admits that in his younger days he liked to live into his given name, \u201cI liked to incite an audience\u2026As I condemned the government for its ruthlessness and lawlessness, I overstepped the line:\u00a0 I said that the time for passive resistance had ended, that non-violence was a useless strategy and could never overturn a white minority regime bent on retaining its power at any cost.\u201d[1]<\/a>\u00a0 Although Mandela thought non-violence was only useful as a strategy[2]<\/a>, by the time of his release from prison he had learned the Friedman skill of Self-Regulation.[3]<\/a><\/p>\n Archbishop Desmond Tutu\u2019s memoir, No Future Without Forgiveness<\/em> offers a vulnerable, and honest self-reflection of his participation in the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC). Tutu shares his own struggles with balancing the trauma of apartheid with choosing to live into forgiveness for those who came forward to confess their crimes. He recounts the grueling process of hearing over 20,000 victims\u2019 testimonies and sabotage from police and enemies of the commission with revelations of his own falterings.\u00a0 He admits the commission struggled to find cohesiveness, saying, \u201cwe were like a bunch of prima donnas, frequently hypersensitive, often taking umbrage easily at real and imagined slights.\u201d[4]<\/a> I immediately wanted to invite Friedman into the conversation to address manifestations of a chronically anxious system.[5]<\/a> Despite the roadblocks, Tutu remained tenaciously tethered to the hope of restorative justice founded upon forgiveness.<\/p>\n The congregation I am now serving clearly must confront a past that holds pain and loss for the community.\u00a0 Tutu\u2019s words regarding the commission, \u201cPerhaps we had not realized just how wounded and traumatized all of South Africans were as a result of the buffeting we had in various ways taken from apartheid\u201d[6]<\/a> speak to the truth regarding the wake of grief surrounding the decision years ago for our church to be intentionally open and affirming to the LGBTQ+ community.\u00a0 This decision led to an extensive and painful, hurtful, and damaging rift between members that ultimately was realized in a substantial exodus of members.\u00a0 In my short time here, I have nudged opened the door to the trauma as I have been working with the Session to dig into A Failure of Nerve. <\/em>As they begin to do the self-reflection around their lack of well-differentiated boundaries, I have watched them struggle to not recoil for protection.\u00a0 I am attempting to lead them to understanding and finding ways to embody forgiveness as the most powerful path to move forward into the future.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n But it is not just the trauma, it is also about how members identity that\u2019s been shaped by their understanding of power.\u00a0 \u201cThe trouble is that they have believed that there are only two possible positions in any sociopolitical setup.\u00a0 You are either to top dog or you are the underdog.\u00a0 There is no place in this kind of scenario for participatory, shared power.\u201d[7]<\/a> Tutu hits the nail on the head regarding human beings\u2019 tendency toward jockeying for position and speaks directly into currently America\u2019s dichotomous nature!\u00a0 And I hear this truth in this congregation as they speak in terms of winners and losers and who is right and wrong.\u00a0 I am waist deep in the work of shifting these mental models of power so that they may embrace the shared humanity they have with each other.<\/p>\n So…A South African Anglican Archbishop, a Dutch psychologist, and a Rabbi walk into a bar\u2026and the bartender says, \u201cYou should write a book together.\u201d<\/p>\n [1]<\/a> Mandela, Nelson. 1995. A Long Walk to Freedom\u202f: The Autobiography of Nelson Mandela<\/em>. Trade Paperback Edition. London: Time Warner Books Uk. Page 182.<\/p>\n [2]<\/a> Ibid, Page 183.<\/p>\n [3]<\/a> Friedman, Edwin H., and Peter Steinke. 2017. A Failure of Nerve, Revised Edition: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fi<\/em>x. 10th Anniversary edition. New York: Church Publishing. Page 96-97.<\/p>\n [4]<\/a> Tutu, Desmond. 2000. No Future Without Forgiveness<\/em>. New Ed edition. New York: Image. Page 196.<\/p>\n [5]<\/a> Friedman, Edwin H., and Peter Steinke. 2017. A Failure of Nerve, Revised Edition: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix<\/em>. 10th Anniversary edition. New York: Church Publishing. Pages 68-97.<\/p>\n