Regret hits me as soon as I let go of the rope.<\/p>\n
The current of the river is too much as it drags me and pulls me every which way. I desperately scrounge around the bottom of the boat, looking for an oar or a paddle or something<\/em> I can use to correct my poor decision. To my utter horror and despair, there\u2019s nothing in the boat.<\/p>\n I\u2019m left to the mercy of the river.<\/p>\n I hold on for dear life, my knuckles bone white as I clench the wooden sides of the boat. Water splashes in my face as the boat rocks every which way.\u00a0 My stomach turns and nausea settles in.<\/p>\n Please God. <\/em><\/p>\n Knowing\u2019s Edge<\/em> is already a tiny splotch on the horizon. The boat picks up speed and the shore races past me. A dense fog rolls in front of me and my heart starts to hammer in my chest. I can hear the splash of rapids as water breaks against God knows what inside. What\u2019s waiting for me in the fog?<\/em><\/p>\n It\u2019s foreboding, terrifying. I can\u2019t go in there.<\/em> I lean over the stern of the boat, trying my best to paddle back with my hands.<\/p>\n Never has there been a more impossible task.<\/p>\n The fog is getting closer and closer with each passing moment.<\/p>\n I scream, covering my eyes and sliding as deep as I can into the hull of the boat.<\/p>\n The fog washes over me, I\u2019m thrown every which way, hanging on for dear life and\u2026<\/p>\n \u2026and everything grows still. The sound of the rushing current becomes a soft gurgle as I float along at a gentle pace. Cautiously, I stand to try and get my bearings. The fog is so thick that I can\u2019t see my hand in front of me, so I sit down again.<\/p>\n Time seems to stop in the fog. There is no connection to the world outside, it is simply a place to be, a place in-between\u2026something. I begin to reflect on my Journey, from the Seeker who questioned my identity, to the Pilgrim who led me out of the Tower.<\/p>\n To the first sight of the fog, to that important step, to getting lost, to the feeling of abandonment as the Pilgrim disappeared.<\/p>\n To the taste of wine at\u00a0Knowing\u2019s Edge,<\/em> to the laughter with the Edgelings, to the tears as they left.<\/p>\n To the Shadow who looked me in the eyes. To the Longing to return. To letting go of the rope. To the fear of the current into the unknown.<\/p>\n And here I am. Sitting in the boat in the middle of a dense fog. Not knowing where I\u2019m going and unable to do anything to guide my own way.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t do anything about this, can I?\u201d I ask aloud.<\/p>\n The water around me seems to chuckle and gurgle a watery, \u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNothing at all?\u201d<\/p>\n Gurgle gurgle.<\/em><\/p>\n I pause for a moment and a smile creeps on my face.<\/p>\n For the first time, no one is telling me what to do \u2013 even I <\/em>can\u2019t tell me what to do.<\/p>\n For the first time, no one is looking at me for what I\u2019m supposed to know.<\/p>\n For the first time, I can actually breathe.<\/p>\n For the first time, I\u2019m free.<\/p>\n \u201cI guess I\u2019m just here for the ride at this point.\u201d<\/p>\n Settling in, the soft chuckle of the river lulls me to sleep.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Regret hits me as soon as I let go of the rope. The current of the river is too much as it drags me and pulls me every which way. I desperately scrounge around the bottom of the boat, looking for an oar or a paddle or something I can use to correct my poor […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":129,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[571],"tags":[1867,1868,1913],"class_list":["post-26959","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-biography-drama-history","tag-not-doing","tag-not-knowing","tag-rapids","cohort-lgp10"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26959","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/129"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26959"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26959\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26960,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26959\/revisions\/26960"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26959"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26959"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26959"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}