{"id":22686,"date":"2019-04-12T00:28:11","date_gmt":"2019-04-12T07:28:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dminlgp\/?p=22686"},"modified":"2019-04-12T00:29:49","modified_gmt":"2019-04-12T07:29:49","slug":"skin-in-the-game","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/skin-in-the-game\/","title":{"rendered":"Skin in the Game"},"content":{"rendered":"

What a truly refreshing book to wrap up this semester with! Though we have had some very thought-provoking reading materials lately, I believe this book summed up a number of places that can be a challenge in ministry; and evidently, even in graduate school. For the point of this paper, I decided to highlight on two principles that have actually been discussed way too recently in our own church bible classes. The first one had to do with the comment in our reading which stated, \u201cWhat stands in the way, becomes the way[1]<\/a>.\u201d We had a discussion in class regarding Paul\u2019s instruction in Ephesians 4:15-16, which reads, \u201cbut speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head–Christ—from whom the whole body, joined and knit together\u2026\u201d The point of the discussion (at least the point I was trying to make), was that we need to learn to encourage rather than discourage; we need to use love when offering suggestions rather than contempt. Sadly, to my dismay, two comments were made immediately after these two suggestions of mine. The first person said, \u201cpeople just need to have tough skin, so they don\u2019t take things so personal.\u201d To this, my response was, \u201cWouldn\u2019t it be nice if the one safe place that we didn\u2019t need tough skin was amongst our church family?\u201d At which, the second person replied by saying, \u201cYeah, that\u2019s never going to happen!\u201d The even sadder reality is that the first person was simply identifying the truth that Brene had made; we have allowed those that criticize the ministries of the church to control the ministries of the church. Why is it that church leadership seems to always bend to the most insulting, critical, and usually non-Christian behaving people, rather than support those who are doing the actual work? I am not even speaking of ministers\u2026though we usually take the greatest hits; to the contrary, I have seen more people stop serving as a result of some insulting \u201cbrother\u201d or \u201csister\u201d in Christ. The other reality of the above conversation was that the second person I quoted, has been one of the most insulting, back-stabbing, gossiping people in our church since I began working there 8 years ago. For me, the comment, \u201cThat\u2019s never going to happen,\u201d was more an affirmation that the past behaviors were not going to cease; regardless of how much I preached on love and kindness.<\/p>\n

The first conversation actually prompted a second conversation between our youth minister and me. He too has grown frustrated and discouraged\u2026and at times, angry, regarding the behavior of a few very negative individuals. He then stated to me, \u201cI just don\u2019t know how you put up with it.\u201d Well, the reality for me is that I do not believe in bowing to acts or words of evil. I recognize the danger of allowing bad habits to become \u201cthe way\u201d a church operates; preferences do not always get to dictate pattern. In the workbook that was connected to our reading online, Brene made another statement that forced me to do some pondering; because this too had come up in the same discussion with our youth minister. The comment read, \u201cWe need to trust to be vulnerable, and we need to be vulnerable in order to build trust.\u201d But it was the question that came next that left me with the four boxes, instead of a single box (shown below).<\/p>\n

Write the names of the people whose opinions really matter to you within the square.[2]<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

(Graphic would not transfer…so imagine 4 boxes below)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Box 1: GOD – The only ONE whose opinion I try to live according to.<\/em><\/p>\n

Box 2: Wife – My partner and friend for 26 years – her happiness always matters to me<\/em><\/p>\n

Box 3: Elders – They are the overseers of our church; their guidance and role matters to me<\/em><\/p>\n

Box 4: Church – They are whom the Lord sent me to minister; their souls matter to me<\/em><\/p>\n

The reality of my life as an individual, and I suppose as a minister too, is that there are only about 3 people that I truly trust completely; there used to be one more, but he passed away last year. I have had too many church members turn their back on me for stupid, selfish reasons, that I am very guarded as a result. My own extended family members love gossip more than they love their kin, so every bit of information is dangerous. After 26 years, I trust my wife; it doesn\u2019t mean we always agree or see eye to eye\u2026but I trust her completely. The second is my best friend Brandon; we have endured very challenging times through the years and not once has he given me cause to doubt him. The last is one of my sons; don\u2019t get me wrong, the other three of my children are wonderful and great and trustworthy\u2026but they have not learned self-control like the first one has. So what does this information have to do with the list above? Well, we tend to bend to those who influence us. The four boxes represent the influence each one has over me; but I just want to state\u2026the only ONE whose opinion really matters to me, is God\u2019s.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Eric Geiger gave leaders one of four different types of skins, and then posed the question, \u201cWhich type are you[3]<\/a><\/p>\n

(Second graphic would not transfer either…again…imagine 4 boxes below)<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Thick Skin \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Thick Skin \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Thin Skin \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Thin Skin<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Tough Heart \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Tender Heart \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Tough Heart \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Tender Heart<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Then he asked the question, \u201cIs it even possible for a leader to have both, to possess thick skin and a tender heart?[4]<\/a>\u201d\u00a0Sadly, I believe the inevitable truth of the matter is that ministers who are too soft skinned will not last in the ministry; Christians are just too brutal! However, as I thought about this book and this post, I realized\u2026that is why we are ministers in the first place. I have heard it said a 1000 times, \u201cI don\u2019t go to church because there are too many hypocrites there!\u201d My response is always the same; \u201cCan you think of a better place for them to be?\u201d I found the following quote in Pat Williams book on \u201cHow to be Like Jesus;\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cChange is what leaders are all about. They turn visions into reality through people. Leaders accomplish goals and realize visions by influencing, training, inspiring, empowering, and motivating others[5]<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bibliography<\/strong><\/p>\n

Brown, Brene. Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.<\/em>New York: Random House, 2018.<\/p>\n

\u2014. Rumbling with Vulnerability .<\/em>October 22, 2018. https:\/\/daretolead.brenebrown.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/DTL-Read-Along-Workbook-v2.pdf (accessed April 12, 2019).<\/p>\n

Geiger, Eric. Thick Skin, Tender Hearts, and Four Types of Leaders.<\/em>October 15, 2015. https:\/\/ericgeiger.com\/2015\/10\/thick-skin-tender-hearts-and-four-types-of-leaders\/ (accessed April 12, 2019).<\/p>\n

Williams, Pat. How to Be Like Jesus: Lessons on Following in His Footsteps.<\/em>Deerfield Beach: Faith Communications, 2003.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[1]<\/a>Brown, Brene. Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.<\/em>New York: Random House, 2018. Pg. 6.<\/p>\n

[2]<\/a> \u2014. Rumbling with Vulnerability .<\/em>October 22, 2018. https:\/\/daretolead.brenebrown.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/DTL-Read-Along-Workbook-v2.pdf (accessed April 12, 2019).<\/p>\n

[3]<\/a>Geiger, Eric. Thick Skin, Tender Hearts, and Four Types of Leaders.<\/em>October 15, 2015. https:\/\/ericgeiger.com\/2015\/10\/thick-skin-tender-hearts-and-four-types-of-leaders\/ (accessed April 12, 2019).<\/p>\n

[4]<\/a>Ibid.<\/p>\n

[5]<\/a>Williams, Pat. How to Be Like Jesus: Lessons on Following in His Footsteps.<\/em>Deerfield Beach: Faith Communications, 2003. P. 283.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What a truly refreshing book to wrap up this semester with! Though we have had some very thought-provoking reading materials lately, I believe this book summed up a number of places that can be a challenge in ministry; and evidently, even in graduate school. For the point of this paper, I decided to highlight on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":107,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[555],"tags":[241,1516,1037],"class_list":["post-22686","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-drama","tag-brene-brown","tag-dare-to-lead","tag-dminlgp8","cohort-lgp8"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22686","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/107"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22686"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22686\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22694,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22686\/revisions\/22694"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22686"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22686"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22686"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}