{"id":22678,"date":"2019-04-11T22:01:12","date_gmt":"2019-04-12T05:01:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dminlgp\/?p=22678"},"modified":"2019-04-11T22:01:12","modified_gmt":"2019-04-12T05:01:12","slug":"thephonecall","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/thephonecall\/","title":{"rendered":"The Phone Call"},"content":{"rendered":"

Today, I was belittled on the phone. A man, whom I\u2019ll call Ted, had a problem with his daughter going on the mission trip my office is organizing. More specifically, he had a problem with the money his daughter is raising to go on the mission trip my office is organizing. Ted felt that it was appropriate to shout at me, talk over me, and then question my commitment to Christianity. Ted said, in almost exact terms, that, \u201cI\u2019d better remember who I was working for, because if I say I am working for the work of the Lord, the Lord wouldn\u2019t be too happy with me\u2026or my work\u201d. This was not the first time I\u2019d conversed with Ted, but the third. Over the course of this semester, Ted has repeatedly told me that he is not happy that I\u2019ve forced his daughter to go on a mission trip to her native country, despite telling him each time that his daughter actually volunteered for this work. Ted has also questioned where my own personal paycheck comes from multiple times, because he just can\u2019t seem to believe that his daughter is raising all that money to go somewhere, and that she is in fact, my own personal funding source. But today\u2026.today, Ted had the gall to question my commitment to Christ. And little did Ted know that this week, I had been reading Bren\u00e9 Browns, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. <\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Bren\u00e9 Brown has been mentoring me from afar for about 5 years. \u00a0I was first introduced to her work through her book Daring Greatly<\/em>, which I devoured, often reading large chunks to my husband in whispered tones after our first baby was asleep. I\u2019ve used her TED talk (hence, Ted\u2019s name) in multiple trainings in my office as well as at my church. A few years ago, after a particularly challenging year at work, I signed up for her online course on Daring Greatly<\/em> and Rising Strong<\/em>. Bren\u00e9\u2019s research style has also influenced much of my own for this doctoral program. I find myself weaving through stories and trying to gather data as my own style of \u201cresearcher storyteller\u201d. Needless to say, I am all about Bren\u00e9.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bren\u00e9 Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington \u2013 Bren\u00e9 Brown Endowed Chair.[1]<\/a> She specifically studies shame, courage, vulnerability, and empathy and has written multiple books including five New York Times bestsellers.[2]<\/a> Bren\u00e9\u2019s most recent work is the culmination of a seven-year study on leadership and it is most evident.[3]<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When Ted called me this morning, he had no idea that this week, I have been bathing in the work of Bren\u00e9. He had no idea that I\u2019d been pondering things like \u201cCourage and Fear are not mutually exclusive. Most of us feel brave and afraid at the exact same time.\u201d[4]<\/a> I\u2019ve also been working through how to set boundaries and determine for myself, in the midst of chaos at work, what\u2019s okay and what\u2019s not okay, and why.[5]<\/a> I\u2019ve been sitting in many tough conversations, tough meetings, and had to make many tough decisions, and Bren\u00e9 has reminded me that my job as the leader is to remember the \u201cgrounded confidence to stay tethered to values, respond rather that react emotionally, and operate from self-awareness, not self-protection.\u201d[6]<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Today, I channeled Bren\u00e9 in my conversation with Ted. I respectfully stood my ground and told him, responded with authority and grounded confidence, that I needed a break from our conversation because it was not going anywhere, and I refused to be spoken to in his tone and with his words. I called him on his behavior and his accusations and told him that if he wanted to speak with me again, it would not be over the phone and that our office would refuse to engage him in conversation until he chose to approach me in a more respectful manner. I very clearly set a definition of what was not okay in our interactions. The whole time, I rumbled with vulnerability when I wanted to armor up.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When I got off the phone, my hands were shaking, and I could hardly see I was so angry. But I looked around the room at the undergraduate and graduate students who had overheard the conversation. Their eyes were full of both bewilderment and pride. I knew that by rumbling with grounded confidence, I\u2019d shown them what vulnerability, and in turn, leadership looked like. So despite a very demoralizing day, it was all worth it because I\u2019m strong and I have practiced what it takes to create and hold space in this work.[7]<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[1]<\/a> \u201cAbout\u201d, Bren\u00e9 Brown. Accessed April 11, 2019. https:\/\/brenebrown.com\/about\/<\/u><\/p>\n

[2]<\/a> Ibid.<\/p>\n

[3]<\/a> Ibid.<\/p>\n

[4]<\/a> Bren\u00e9 Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. <\/em>(New York, NY: Random House Publishing, 2018), 10.<\/p>\n

[5]<\/a> Ibid., 39.<\/p>\n

[6]<\/a> Ibid., 169.<\/p>\n

[7]<\/a> Ibid. 171.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today, I was belittled on the phone. A man, whom I\u2019ll call Ted, had a problem with his daughter going on the mission trip my office is organizing. More specifically, he had a problem with the money his daughter is raising to go on the mission trip my office is organizing. Ted felt that it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":121,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[241,1522,1516,922,35,1521],"class_list":["post-22678","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-brene-brown","tag-courage","tag-dare-to-lead","tag-empathy","tag-leadership","tag-vulnerability","cohort-lgp9"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22678","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/121"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22678"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22678\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22679,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22678\/revisions\/22679"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22678"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22678"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22678"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}