I\u2019m just so tired.<\/p>\n
So, so tired.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not tired of my work as a church planter or leadership mentor or missionary equipper; these things energize me. No, I\u2019m tired of having to constantly break down barriers so that women are empowered to plant churches and do the mission work to which they have been called. I\u2019ve been called an \u201cice-breaker\u201d by more than one person, but it isn\u2019t a role that I enjoy. Ice is hard, and cold, and it hurts. And I\u2019m weary of having to break it.<\/p>\n
And when one is weary, then everything feels like a battle.<\/p>\n
Take this week\u2019s reading, Divine Sex,<\/em> by Jonathan Grant. It\u2019s a brilliant book, really\u2014well researched, theologically rich, and intellectually stimulating. Grant\u2019s vision of human sexuality as eschatological, metaphysical, formational, and missional is inspired.[1]<\/a> But then there are phrases woven throughout the book that feel like subtle jabs, and when the jabs keep coming, even subtly and softly, they become tiresome. Here\u2019s just one example. The sentence begins hopefully, and I find myself nodding along, right up until the word, \u201cparanoia.\u201d That\u2019s when my eyebrows went up. That\u2019s the word that jabbed me.<\/p>\n \u201cOnly when we are attentive to these differences of sexual complementarity, free from hierarchical paranoia, can we build a strong foundation for intimate relationships.\u201d[2]<\/a><\/p>\n When one sex has been systematically oppressed and excluded by the other for centuries, and that sex begins to assert itself and question the hierarchies, I take issue with that assertion being equated to \u201cparanoia.\u201d<\/p>\n And yes, I understand that this is small. But the accumulation of such small insinuations coming from various media through the course of weeks, months, and years, begins to feel like Chinese water torture. And it\u2019s very tiring.<\/p>\n I\u2019m not the only one who picks up on this undertone. In his review of the book, Brad Lau states, \u201cwhen Grant discusses how women and men spend their time, pursue careers, or rear children, he runs a fine line between making a good and valid point and becoming overly prescriptive in suggesting what contemporary family life should look like (220).\u201d[3]<\/a><\/p>\n I wasn\u2019t imagining the bias of the book. And while I won\u2019t throw the baby out with the bath water\u2014again, I see great value in the book\u2014I\u2019m disappointed that so many worthy babies have such dirty bath water. And I\u2019m tired of it.<\/p>\n I\u2019m not bitter, nor am I looking for a fight. Indeed, I\u2019m tired of fighting. I\u2019d really like to just get on with the work of God, announcing the Kingdom and living for the King. But what kind of kingdom are we announcing?<\/p>\n Women can go out into the world and start a business or run for office or launch a non-profit, but then we tell them that when they come into the church they must not be too assertive or expect to be in charge? For many women that\u2019s not exactly Good News. In fact it\u2019s bad news. And it isn\u2019t even what the Gospel teaches.<\/p>\n Just as Grant points to the eschatological vision for sex, I believe that we need to have an eschatological vision for the Church as the foretaste of the future and coming kingdom of God. There is not a single indication from any passage in all of scripture that men have any authority over women in eternity. Rather, the Bride of Christ is made up of a body of mutually submissive worshiping servants of the radiant Prince of Peace. When Paul wrote \u201cthere is neither male nor female\u201d he didn\u2019t mean that all Christians were gender neutral, he meant that gender was no longer to be a factor in determining who was IN and who was OUT, including who was in and out of leadership roles in the church.<\/p>\n Do I sound angry? Shrill? \u201cParanoid\u201d? Please forgive me. I\u2019m really just tired.<\/p>\n The fact is, I\u2019m the mother of two boys\u2014two young men. I love men. I appreciate men. I don\u2019t want to criticize men or belittle men or chase men out of leadership positions. I just don\u2019t want women deprived of the same simply because they are women. I believe we are better together. We need each other.<\/p>\n And while we\u2019re on the subject, have you ever noticed how it\u2019s often the women that are willing to adapt to more masculine ways who get invited to join the teams at the top? I\u2019m always terrified that I\u2019m going to start crying when I get passionate about something because I know that many men believe that is impossible to be emotional AND logical\u2014one teardrop in the wrong room, and all my credibility as a church planter goes down the drain. But when all have to act according to male standards in order to be accepted in leadership roles, the very strength of our complementary natures and the riches of our diversity are lost.<\/p>\n I was recently at a leadership meeting for a Europe-wide saturation church-planting conference, and they were discussing whether we were simply going to count the number of churches planted as part of our research, or whether we were going to consider the societal impact of those churches as well. During the same meeting we were also going to discuss the value of recruiting more female church planters. Ironically, the research show that \u201cwomen have qualities that suit designing churches which connect with this culture;\u201d[4]<\/a> that is to say, churches that are planted by women tend to be more naturally focused on justice and mercy and therefore have a stronger societal impact. The natural answer to growing our capacity to plant churches that have an impact is to recruit and train women who have an apostolic gifting to engage in church planting alongside their brothers. Instead, the church tends to marginalize such women, which is why they are business entrepreneurs and senators and community change leaders instead of church planters.<\/p>\n And which is why I am so, so tired.<\/p>\n [1]<\/a> Jonathan Grant, Divine Sex: A Compelling Vision for Christian Relationships in a Hypersexualized Age<\/em> (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Brazos Press, a division of Baker Publishing Group, 2015), 143ff.<\/p>\n [2]<\/a> Grant, 97.<\/p>\n