Let\u2019s begin with some background music to set the stage for this blog post. Start the music, and continue reading\u2026<\/p>\n
<\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re now listening to a familiar tune called \u2018Take Five\u2019.<a href=\"#_ftn1\" name=\"_ftnref1\">[1]<\/a> Catchy, isn\u2019t it? If you\u2019re not a musician, you might have a hard time putting your finger on what makes this song so alluring. Music historian Tony Sarabia states,<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cIn 1961,\u00a0Dave Brubeck\u00a0told Ralph Gleason on the TV program\u00a0Jazz Casual\u00a0that jazz had lost some of its adventurous qualities. He said it wasn’t challenging the public rhythmically the way it had in its early days. “It’s time that the jazz musicians take up their original role of leading the public into a more adventurous rhythm,” he said.\u00a0Brubeck said it’s a good idea to shake things up a bit, and that’s exactly what he did with the song “Take Five.”\u201d<a href=\"#_ftn2\" name=\"_ftnref2\">[2]<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<p>Dave Brubeck was a brilliant artist that wanted to lead down brave new pathways, so he crafted this song in 5\/4 time. Most jazz music up to then had been written in 4\/4. His fresh verve introduced a new take on jazz to the mainstream. Brubeck\u2019s bold refusal to obey the conventions of the era have today become an iconic jazz tune for one\u2019s classic library.<\/p>\n<p>Edwin Friedman\u2019s book <em>A Failure of Nerve<\/em> likewise messes up conventional wisdom on leading well. It comes just at the right time in my personal and organizational life and bleeds over in a compelling way into my thesis research. Over the past several weeks in preliminary research I\u2019ve been encountering Bowen therapy, Kets de Vries, Steinke, and other authors that champion the value of family systems thinking. (So, thank you, Jason, for including this resource.) I\u2019m adding it to my working bibliography to enrich my research on the transfer of leadership for family philanthropy. Let me explain why.<\/p>\n<p>Friedman and the others discuss the key concept of self-differentiation as being critical in a healthy movement forward for families and organizations. The failure of nerve happens when we cave under the pressures toward sameness and homogeneity. Unfortunately, in our current cultural environment of emotional regression we fear tall poppies that grow higher than the rest. The answer, says Friedman, is not to conform to the expectations of others or blame problems on everyone else, but to know ourselves, to have a dream, and to pursue that dream boldly. He exhorts, \u201cYou have to get up before your people and give an \u2018I Have a Dream\u2019 speech.\u201d<a href=\"#_ftn3\" name=\"_ftnref3\">[3]<\/a> In leading from a well-differentiated centre, we focus on strength and vision, rather than the multiple pathologies of the systems where we lead from.<\/p>\n<p>Characteristics of these sick and gridlocked systems include:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cAn unending treadmill of trying harder;<\/li>\n<li>Looking for answers rather than reframing questions; and<\/li>\n<li>Either\/or thinking that creates false dichotomies.\u201d<a href=\"#_ftn4\" name=\"_ftnref4\">[4]<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>As a well-differentiated leader begins this journey, life will not all come up roses. In fact, we will usually encounter sabotage, subterfuge, and name-calling. Using an example where a wife is becoming self-differentiated, Friedman shrewdly states, \u201cWhenever your husband calls you a bitch you are probably going in the right direction. <em>See if you can get him to say that more often<\/em> (my italics).\u201d<a href=\"#_ftn5\" name=\"_ftnref5\">[5]<\/a> The goal in those moments is not to get sucked into emotional power games, but remain centred with a non-anxious presence knowing yourself and your calling forward.<\/p>\n<p>Family philanthropy revolves around family systems, and money is the gunpowder in the mix. It\u2019s a volatile cocktail. How can wealthy families work together for maximum impact without blowing themselves apart? Using approaches from Friedman, one might suggest that in order to not separate, we must learn to be separate. Valuing the contributions of each member, honouring their individuality, learning to listen, giving space when needed, and not insisting on sameness are all ways forward.<\/p>\n<p>For organizations the message is similar. \u201cAnyone who has ever been part of an imaginatively gridlocked relationship system knows that more learning will not, on its own, automatically change the way people see or think\u2026. In order to imagine the unimaginable, people must be able to separate themselves from the emotional processes that surround them before they can even begin to see (or hear) things differently.\u201d<a href=\"#_ftn6\" name=\"_ftnref6\">[6]<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Dr. Murray Bowen suggests as we lean into a differentiated approach, we won\u2019t reach perfection, and at times we will fail. \u201cIt is a lifetime project with no one ever getting more than 70 percent there.\u201d<a href=\"#_ftn7\" name=\"_ftnref7\">[7]<\/a> But surely, we need to start the process now. And with creative risks and an adventurous spirit, like Brubeck, we may be able march to the beat of a different drummer and make some beautiful music together.<\/p>\n<p>______________________________________<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"#_ftnref1\" name=\"_ftn1\">[1]<\/a> Inspired by a reference to the song in Friedman, Edwin H. <em>A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix<\/em>. (New York: Seabury Books, 2007), 199.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"#_ftnref2\" name=\"_ftn2\">[2]<\/a> Tony Sarabia, \u201cThe Story of Dave Brubeck\u2019s \u2018Take Five\u2019\u201d, The NPR 100, November 19, 2000, accessed November 8, 2018, https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2000\/11\/19\/1114201\/take-five.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"#_ftnref3\" name=\"_ftn3\">[3]<\/a> Friedman, Edwin H. <em>A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix<\/em>. (New York: Seabury Books, 2007), 23.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"#_ftnref4\" name=\"_ftn4\">[4]<\/a> Friedman, 38.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"#_ftnref5\" name=\"_ftn5\">[5]<\/a> Friedman, 197.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"#_ftnref6\" name=\"_ftn6\">[6]<\/a> Friedman, 35.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"#_ftnref7\" name=\"_ftn7\">[7]<\/a> Friedman, 195.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Let\u2019s begin with some background music to set the stage for this blog post. Start the music, and continue reading\u2026 You\u2019re now listening to a familiar tune called \u2018Take Five\u2019.[1] Catchy, isn\u2019t it? If you\u2019re not a musician, you might have a hard time putting your finger on what makes this song so alluring. Music […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":100,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[236],"class_list":["post-20040","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-friedman","cohort-lgp8"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20040","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/100"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20040"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20040\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20045,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20040\/revisions\/20045"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20040"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20040"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20040"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}