{"id":19089,"date":"2018-09-20T23:44:24","date_gmt":"2018-09-21T06:44:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dminlgp\/?p=19089"},"modified":"2018-09-20T23:44:24","modified_gmt":"2018-09-21T06:44:24","slug":"power-with-leadership","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/power-with-leadership\/","title":{"rendered":"Power-With Leadership"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Judith Glaser\u2019s book, Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results<\/em>, is incredibly insightful and full of valuable information about how our brains respond to conversations that create trust and ones that create distrust. She describes conversations as \u201cdynamic, interactive, and inclusive. They evolve and impact the way we connect, engage, interact, and influence others, enabling us to shape reality, mind-sets, events, and outcomes in a collaborative way. Conversations have the power to move us from \u201cpower over\u201d others to \u201cpower with\u201d others, giving us the exquisite ability to get on the same page with our fellow humans and experience the same reality by bridging the reality gaps between \u201chow you see things and how I see things.\u201d[1]<\/a> This concept of \u201cpower with\u201d vs. \u201cpower over\u201d has become an important idea when we talk about effective leadership and I was pleased to see it referenced in this book. If leaders take the dictator approach to leadership, people usually respond with some type of fear and see the leader as a threat. A power-with approach provides a platform for joining with those you lead in order to build trust, which is especially important when it comes to men respectfully leading “with” women. It seems that the more successful companies are figuring this concept out, in fact, the author points out that \u201cunhealthy conversations are at the root of distrust, deceit, betrayal, and avoidance\u2014which leads to lower productivity and innovation, and, ultimately, lower success.\u201d[2]<\/a><\/p>\n

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As we have learned through our readings about emotional intelligence (EQ), cultural intelligence (CQ), and gender intelligence (GQ) \u2013 thanks to me, conversational intelligence (C-IQ) is a great addition. Since communication is centered around conversations, it becomes an important skill to become proficient in as we pursue leadership excellence. Understanding how our brain chemistry is responding as we have conversations can be a powerful motivator to develop these power-with relationships with those we lead. Glaser points out that \u201cour prefrontal cortex is activated when we feel we can trust others, and is deactivated when we feel high levels of fear and distrust.\u201d[3]<\/a> Not only that, but according to the research of Angelika Dimoka, PhD, distrust is centered in the amygdala and limbic areas of the brain.[4]<\/a> In my work as a therapist, I talk extensively about the prefrontal cortex and amygdala parts of our brain and how they are utilized in our everyday lives. For instance, in working with those who struggle with AD\/HD we talk a lot about how their neurons struggle to get to their prefrontal cortex, which is why they are often given stimulants in order to help push those neurons to the front part of their brain in order for them to make better decisions and be less impulsive. I also talk to many clients who are struggling to recover from some type of trauma and are trying to get away from functioning out of the amygdala part of their brain, which is where our fight or flight response comes from. Ironically, many of these people have had severely broken trust in their lives, which confirms this claim the author points out about distrust coming from the amygdala. If we are trying to connect with those we are working with or leading we must understand this reality, because \u201cwe can\u2019t connect to others if our amygdala is overactive. Fear and distrust close down our brains.\u201d[5]<\/a><\/p>\n

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I love how the author drives her entire book towards the goal of effective partnering and collaboration. Since I am studying how to increase gender-balanced leadership, this can be a tool to help men and women have \u201cpower with\u201d conversations and relationships in order to collaborate effectively as partners in leadership together. If men and women can learn to rebuild trust that has been broken by years of gender discrimination and oppression through more intelligent conversations, we might be able to make progress towards closing the gender leadership gap. Glaser affirms this when she states that\u2026\u201cHumans are designed to partner, and we do this on many complex levels. We form partnerships, we form teams, we form companies, and we form societies that depend on one another. To form partnerships as complex as those humans create, we need to have the neural circuitry to build trust. It appears that there is a neural circuit, called the insula (located below the prefrontal cortex), that acts as an information highway between our mirror neurons and the limbic system, thereby giving us the ability to broadcast messages throughout our brainstem. This may explain how we resonate or don\u2019t resonate with others\u2014which is foundational to building trust.\u201d[6]<\/a> I believe God designed men and women to partner together in leadership, and He affirms this in Genesis when He blesses Adam and Eve and commands them to \u201cbe\u00a0fruitful\u00a0and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.\u201d[7]<\/a> God tells them to govern and reign over the earth and everything in it together, as co-leaders. Then sin entered the world and trust was broken, hierarchy was created, and God\u2019s original design became altered and we have been fighting against this ever since. This is why Jesus brought a new covenant to us to correct this, and Paul affirms this when he says, \u201cThere is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you\u00a0are\u00a0all\u00a0one\u00a0in\u00a0Christ\u00a0Jesus.\u201d[8]<\/a> Christ wanted to restore the equal leadership structure God set out in Genesis so we could partner together effectively as one.<\/p>\n

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Not everyone is familiar with the bonding hormone, oxytocin, but it happens to be something I refer to quite a bit when doing marriage counseling. When couples are lacking in their closeness and stop being affectionate with each other, they are often not getting enough oxytocin released in their bodies to help them bond and feel close to one another. It made sense when the author talked about how this hormone gets released when conversations are coming from a safe, trusting place and it was refreshing to have her highlight its importance. \u201cConversational Intelligence facilitates connectivity with others and enables us to activate our higher executive and human functions. When we use our Conversational Intelligence skills, the hormone oxytocin is released, among other neurotransmitters. Oxytocin is associated with bonding behaviors, and new research in neuroscience suggests that oxytocin may play a dominant role in the brain and the heart as a regulator of our need for social contact. Some scientists call oxytocin the \u201ccuddle hormone,\u201d because it can create feelings of well-being as comforting as a mother\u2019s hug. This hormone\u2019s power may explain why loners die young, and why emotional rejection can be more painful than physical trauma.\u201d[9]<\/a> This should be reason enough to increase our conversational intelligence, since us humans are hard-wired to bond and partner with other humans in a meaningful way. Maybe we should hug more people as well so we can get more oxytocin flowing!<\/p>\n

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<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [1] Judith E. Glaser, Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results<\/em>, (Taylor and Francis), Kindle Edition, xiii.<\/p>\n

<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [2] Ibid., xiv.<\/p>\n

<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [3] Ibid., xvii.<\/p>\n

<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [4] Ibid., xxiv.<\/p>\n

<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [5] Ibid., xxiv.<\/p>\n

<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [6] Ibid., 25.<\/p>\n

<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [7] Genesis 1:28 (NLT)<\/p>\n

<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [8] Galatians 3:28 (NLT)<\/p>\n

<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [9] Judith E. Glaser, Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results<\/em>, (Taylor and Francis), Kindle Edition, 37.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Judith Glaser\u2019s book, Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results, is incredibly insightful and full of valuable information about how our brains respond to conversations that create trust and ones that create distrust. She describes conversations as \u201cdynamic, interactive, and inclusive. They evolve and impact the way we connect, engage, interact, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":95,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[2,1350],"class_list":["post-19089","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-dminlgp","tag-glaser","cohort-lgp8"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19089","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/95"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19089"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19089\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19092,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19089\/revisions\/19092"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19089"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19089"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19089"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}