{"id":18998,"date":"2018-09-20T13:16:25","date_gmt":"2018-09-20T20:16:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dminlgp\/?p=18998"},"modified":"2018-09-20T13:16:25","modified_gmt":"2018-09-20T20:16:25","slug":"dont-be-a-bull-in-a-china-shop-no-pun-intended","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/dont-be-a-bull-in-a-china-shop-no-pun-intended\/","title":{"rendered":"Don’t be a bull in a china shop….(no pun intended)"},"content":{"rendered":"

I have worn many hats in my adult life, highway maintenance, mortgage credit specialist, car sales, computer industry, office supply sales, youth minister and pastor. They all have something in common with one exception. I have had to be able to hold conversations with others to be able to do my job effectively. I have an aggressive personality, I have been described as a “bull in a china shop” when it comes to some of my conversations. I have a horrible case of gotta be rightitus. This program has challenged me to be thoughtful in my conversations and learn to listen better, but I am still working on it. That is why when I picked up\u00a0Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results<\/em> by Judith Glaser I was intrigued.<\/p>\n

Glaser wrote about being right in an article where she states, “When you argue and win, your brain floods with different hormones-adrenalin-that makes you feel dominant, even invincible (the fight hormone), and dopamine, considered a reward hormone, so you feel good about winning. Since it’s a feeling we wish to replicate, the next time we’re in a tense situation we fight again. We get addicted to being right.” [1]\u00a0I am addicted to this feeling, I unfortunately have let it get to the point in some of my positions that is has hurt my ability to minister, so I understand my need to fix this. I identified with Rob from Verizon in the reading, I knew what I wanted, I knew it was right, and those who I worked with over the years needed to get on board or, as I used to say, “I will manage them out of their job”. Real nice attitude. I got the job done but probably not as well as I could have, and eventually I would run good people off, when questioned I would just assume they were not cut out to work with me.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Glaser’s discussion in the chapter on moving from distrust to trust really hit me hard. In my last decision I felt like I could never trust the deacons. I always felt they were against anything I did in the youth ministry and the missions ministry. At one turn they would complain I was not doing enough “fun” things for the youth (never mind I rarely took time off because I was so busy). The next moment they would tell my going on the mission trips looked like it was just a vacation and did not want me to go (again, pay no attention to the fact none of them went and all they say were pictures of people enjoying ministry). It got to the point where my pastor no longer wanted to run interference for me and I was left out to dry. It took me three months before I started going to church anywhere else. I had to learn to trust people in church.\u00a0 In the illustration below Glaser illustrates the Ladder of Conclusions, this would have been helpful to have three years ago but now I can put it to use with my church today.<\/p>\n

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My dissertation problem is this “How do you take a church from being inward focused to outward focused”. Glaser’s book will improve my ability to have the hard conversations. To build trust where there is distrust. When you have to make major changes in a church setting you have to have buy in. If you don’t you set yourself up for failure. In his book\u00a0Who Moved My Pulpit? Leading Change In the Church<\/em> Thom Rainer explains “church members are so focused on ‘my needs’ and ‘my desires’ that they resist change at every turn” [2] Without having conversational intelligence, these church members will always win. I have seen it time and time again. They have to trust that what you are changing is for the better. They like their church and when you tell them they must change you are telling them they are wrong. As a leader using Glaser’s TRUST model will help. The steps\u00a0Transparency, Relationship, Understanding, Shared Success, and Testing Assumptions and Telling the Truth, <\/em>[3] are vital in building the trust you will need. You cannot be a dictator and be an effective pastor without buy in from the congregation. I have known too many pastors who go in to a church and right away start changing things without thought as to how it will affect people. That is one thing they do not spend enough time on in seminary. How to deal with a congregation set in their ways.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Judith Glaser has hit the nail right on the head with her book. While it can be a bit hard to get into, once you do it is worth the time spent.<\/p>\n

[1]\u00a0Glaser, Judith. “Being Right.” Leadership Excellence Essentials 30, no. 9 (2013): 13.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

[2]\u00a0Rainer, Thom S.\u00a0Who Moved My Pulpit?: Leading Change in the Church<\/i>. Nashville, TN: B & H Publishing Group, 2016. 14.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

[3]\u00a0Glaser, Judith. “Being Right.” Leadership Excellence Essentials 30, no. 9 (2013): 45-47.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have worn many hats in my adult life, highway maintenance, mortgage credit specialist, car sales, computer industry, office supply sales, youth minister and pastor. They all have something in common with one exception. I have had to be able to hold conversations with others to be able to do my job effectively. I have […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":102,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18998","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","cohort-lgp8"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18998","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/102"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18998"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18998\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19019,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18998\/revisions\/19019"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18998"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18998"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18998"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}