In the late 80s I was confronted by the depth of my own homophobia. It\u2019s not that I had been outwardly \u201canti-gay,\u201d as I had spent time with some of the most amazing LGBTQ people for most of my adult years to that point. Yeah, I know, that sounds like, \u201csome of my best friends are gay\u2026\u201d That\u2019s because that was my inner reasoning. I wasn\u2019t \u2018grossed out\u2019 or uncomfortable with LGBTQ people, but I sure as heck didn\u2019t know how to reckon their sexuality and\/or gender differences with my conservative upbringing. I think at that point I was still saying things like, \u201cTheir sin is no worse than mine,\u201d and \u201cLove the sinner, hate the sin.\u201d<\/p>\n
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In 1988, my husband entered a relationship with Jesus after we suffered a devastating miscarriage. In the months that followed, I looked for God to get me through and found God shining in my husband\u2019s eyes. It was an amazing thing. Compassion and empathy were magnified there. We talked a lot about the people who started Scott (my husband) on this journey and he told me about a couple of college friends who had invited him to Bible studies and church, and one in particular, Ron, who prayed for Scott every day. I encouraged Scott to call Ron and let him know about the change in his life. We met up with him and I was in tears as I hugged Ron and said, \u201cThank you.\u201d I knew full well that Ron\u2019s prayers had played a significant part in the transformation of my husband.<\/p>\n
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I\u2019m not sure when I found out that Ron is gay. All I know is that it shook me to the core. Ron is a former pastor, and he is gay. My entire upbringing screamed, \u201cWait. How is that possible?!\u201d Ron loves Jesus with everything he has and wanted my husband to have the same experience. But I have always been told that LGBTQ people could not be \u201cfaithful\u201d Christians because they lived in unrepentant sin. Everything I thought I knew turned upside down.<\/p>\n
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In 1993, the movie Philadelphia<\/a> came out. I won\u2019t take too much time to explain it here, but in that movie Tom Hanks plays a gay lawyer who is fired because he has contracted HIV\/AIDS. This is based on the landmark case that changed the way we handle information regarding people with HIV in this country. More importantly for me, it opened my eyes to something I had not considered before \u2013 being LGBTQ is not just about sex. It\u2019s about who we are drawn to romantically and who we long to be in a deep, lifelong relationship with. Just like those of us who are straight.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n I set off on a journey to understand. What I found (and am still finding) is that there are no easy answers. Battle lines have been drawn. There is much debate about whether or not being LGBTQ is a result of nature, nurture, or both. There are shouting matches about what Scripture \u2018plainly says.\u2019 There are people on all sides wrapping themselves in hate and anger. One thing is clear in my eyes, though: LGBTQ people are the oppressed and the church is often the oppressor.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n This thought has stayed in the back of my mind throughout my seminary training. What does God say about the oppressed and the oppressors? What does God say about people created in God\u2019s image? What does that mean for the church and LGBTQ people?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n When Andrew Marin\u2019s book, Love is an Orientation<\/em>, came out almost a decade ago, I pre-ordered the book. Finally, someone was talking about this subject in a way that wasn\u2019t inflammatory! I read it eagerly and soaked up the words about loving the LGBTQ community and repenting of the way the church (and I) have treated them. Marin rests firmly in the middle ground, insisting that the only way forward is for the church to fully love members of the LGBTQ community. He doesn\u2019t take \u2018sides\u2019 which, of course, makes people on both sides uncomfortable. To be honest, reading the book again, it makes me uncomfortable, but when I first read it I felt as if I had finally been given permission by someone<\/em> in the evangelical church to focus on love first and foremost. I still didn\u2019t have answers to the \u2018zinger\u2019 scriptures, but I now had a direction.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I guess you could say Marin\u2019s book was a \u2018gateway\u2019 book for me and my husband. After we read it, we talked to a few friends who recommended books for us to read and people for us to follow. Soon we tired of just hearing about<\/em> the LGBTQ community, we wanted to hear from<\/em> members of that community. That\u2019s when we read Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate<\/a><\/em>, by Justin Lee. It turns out that Justin\u2019s story was very similar to Ron\u2019s story. We started to hear about the horrors of \u2018gay conversion therapy,\u2019 and the ways in which a comment from well-meaning straight Christians could send LGBTQ Christians fleeing anything to do with the Church.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Our hearts were broken and, as a part of my seminary process, I started to realize that, just as I had learned with the verses weaponized against women in ministry, interpretations of those zingers may not be as cut and dried as I had long been taught. Marin addresses \u201cThe Big 5\u201d in chapter seven,[1]<\/a> and Lee talks about them in chapters 12 and 13 of Torn<\/em>.[2]<\/a> If you read nothing else, read those chapters of both books (well, read all of both books, really).<\/p>\n <\/p>\n You see, the biggest accusation I hear about LGBTQ Christians and those of us who are welcoming and affirming is that we take a low view of the Bible and have no love for the written word of God. I can\u2019t speak to every Christian\u2019s motives on this (I know for a fact there are many who simply choose to dismiss the zingers), but I can speak for myself. Although I knew in my heart it was wrong to condemn the LGBTQ community to the wrath of God, I also knew I had to struggle with those verses, much in the same way I had to struggle with the verses men had used to condemn my calling to preach and teach. As I wrestled and struggled, I found that God\u2019s wrath is never as deep as ours when it comes to who belongs and who doesn\u2019t. I found that God deeply values community and relationships and people. I learned that the Bible rarely \u201cclearly says\u201d what we think it says \u2013 especially on controversial issues. And I learned that I was never called to convict or deny love to anyone.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n This is one of those topics that easily divides us, especially in the evangelical community. It is also one of the topics that causes people to flee from the church and, possibly, from Jesus. I didn\u2019t decide to become loving and affirming to the LGBTQ community because it is hip or cool. I asked God to open my eyes to the things that break God\u2019s heart, and God introduced me to people who love Jesus but are told they have no place in his community. I met young people who would rather give up their lives than face the wrath of their Christian communities who \u201clove the sinner but hate the sin.\u201d I found out that God\u2019s heart is breaking and many people claiming to work for God are the cause. I don\u2019t want to be one of those people anymore.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I don\u2019t take this position lightly. I hear often that by affirming and welcoming people in the LGBTQ community and not calling out their orientation as sin, I\u2019m \u201cloving people straight to hell\u201d and ignoring the word of God. I don\u2019t believe that is true but I remain open to the Spirit who corrects and teaches. I love Jesus, I love the Bible, and I love the Church. I believe I am following the two greatest commandments \u201cupon which hang all the laws and the prophets.\u201d[3]<\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [1]. Andrew Marin, Love is an Orientation: Elevating the Conversation with the Gay Community<\/em>, (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2009), 114-139.<\/p>\n