{"id":16810,"date":"2018-03-01T08:18:59","date_gmt":"2018-03-01T16:18:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dminlgp\/?p=16810"},"modified":"2018-03-01T08:20:12","modified_gmt":"2018-03-01T16:20:12","slug":"16810-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/16810-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Or is it Vulnerability, Shame & Courage?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Acknowledge \u2013 Examine \u2013 Resist – Self-Knowledge – Identity in Christ[1]<\/a><\/p>\n

Gary McIntosh and Samuel Rima\u2019s compelling text Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership: The Paradox of Personal Dysfunction <\/em>spells out harmful leadership traits (and examples to examine) and preventive measures to avoid creating harm as a leader. \u201cThe point is not that leaders have a dark side that others don\u2019t. Everyone has a dark side, but when you are in leadership, particularly\u00a0in the senior leader\u2019s role,\u00a0your dark side has the potential to wreak greater havoc than would be the case with most people simply because you have greater ability to affect people.\u201d[2]<\/a> McIntosh and Rima\u2019s work on \u201cdark side of leadership\u201d is not unique, with the exception of it catering to Christian leaders. What they do well (and also get criticized for) is call out high profile Christian leaders who have had significant character lapses and been publicly humiliated for them. The critics of this approach feel that the high profile cases make the text un-relatable to the average ministry leader.<\/p>\n

We can all agree that the concept of leadership is trendy right now (as evidenced by our doctoral program) and there are plenty of experts in the field to refer to.\u00a0 But because I believe in the discipline and work of Dr. Bren\u00e9 Brown, I would love to facilitate a roundtable discussion between she and Gary McIntosh and Samuel Rima.\u00a0 Dr. Bren\u00e9 Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston (and the Huffington Foundation-Bren\u00e9 Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work).\u00a0 \u201cShe has spent the past sixteen years studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy and is the author of four #1 New York Times bestsellers \u2013\u00a0The Gifts of Imperfection<\/em>,\u00a0Daring Greatly<\/em>,\u00a0Rising Strong,\u00a0<\/em>and\u00a0Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone<\/em>.\u201d[3]<\/a>\u00a0 In addition to her research, writing, and teaching, Bren\u00e9 founded Brave Leaders Inc \u2013 an organization that develops and trains teams, leaders, entrepreneurs, change makers, and culture shifters on evidence-based courage building programs.[4]<\/a><\/p>\n

The social worker in me wants to believe that Gary McIntosh and Samuel Rima could connect their foundational concepts of \u201cpersonal dysfunction\u201d to Bren\u00e9 Brown\u2019s research on vulnerability, shame, and courage. Brown believes that one of the most important elements to personal health and well-being is vulnerability \u2013 being \u201creal\u201d with others. Vulnerability is defined as \u201cuncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.\u201d\u00a0Bren\u00e9 says\u00a0that \u201cvulnerability\u00a0is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy and creativity. She identifies the following \u201c10 commandments for emotional intelligence\u201d for leaders:<\/p>\n

Ponder Feelings \u2013 Learn from Others \u2013 Learn to Pause \u2013 Practice Empathy \u2013 Praise Others \u2013 Apologize \u2013 Forgive \u2013 Re-evaluate Relationships \u2013 Control Thoughts[5]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n

According to McIntosh and Rima, \u201cMany Christian leaders have been taught to blame the “enemy” for their leadership failures. When a leader commits adultery, embezzles money from the church, or gets caught exposing himself, the most frequent explanation among the ranks of the faithful is “Boy, the devil sure is working overtime,” with little attention given to the realities of human dysfunction.\u201d[6]<\/sup><\/a> \u00a0As critical thinkers and leaders of faith, how do we connect the two (personal dysfunction vs. the enemy influence)?\u00a0 Is there a force of evil in the world?\u00a0 Absolutely!\u00a0 Is there self-determination and choice?\u00a0 Absolutely! Our own resident expert Mic Anthony would see the solution as the AOG.\u00a0 However, our humanness can disconnect us from our ability to tap into and use the AOG.\u00a0 Somehow Christians must find a balance between being in the world, but not of the world.<\/p>\n

There is plenty to process and discuss within our own government related to dark (narcissistic) leadership traits, however I want to take the discussion a level deeper to focusing on the cause of personal dysfunction. \u201cThe fact is, all of us have a “dark side”\u00a0that consists of the unmet needs and “existential debts” that orient our lives and drive us from deep down inside. These often provide motivation to do good things– such as spiritual leadership. But when these “dark side” characteristics continue to lurk in the darkness and are combined with spiritual leadership, we have a recipe for disaster. Pride, selfishness, self-deceit and wrong motives are identified as the tell-tale signs that the “dark side” is out of control.\u201d[7]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n

One such explanation may be personal connection with others \u2013 or lack thereof.\u00a0 According to University of Chicago neuroscientist John Cacioppo he defines the phenomenon of loneliness as \u201cperceived social isolation,\u201d which basically means that we experience loneliness when we feel disconnected. \u00a0Did you know that rates of loneliness in the United States have more than doubled since 1980?\u00a0 \u201cMaybe we\u2019ve been pushed to the outside of a group that we value, or we lack a sense of true belonging.\u201d[8]<\/a> At the core of loneliness, Cacioppo believes, is an \u201cabsence of meaningful social interaction\u2013an intimate relationship, friendships, family gatherings, or even community or work group connections.\u201d[9]<\/a>\u00a0 How often have you made yourself truly, authentically, vulnerable to the very people you serve in ministry?\u00a0 How scary would that be?<\/p>\n

Here is the caveat\u2026as members of a social species, we derive strength not from our rugged individualism but from our collective ability to plan, communicate, and work together. Our neural, hormonal, and genetic makeup support interdependence over independence. As Cacioppo explained in a\u00a02013 TEDx Talk, the key to reaching adulthood \u201cis not to become autonomous and solitary, it\u2019s to become the one on whom others can depend. Whether we know it or not, our brain and biology have been shaped to favor this outcome.\u201d[10]<\/a><\/p>\n

In Brown\u2019s most recent publication Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone <\/em>she states \u201cWhen we race to our customary defenses\u2013of political belief, race, religion, you name it\u2013we don\u2019t have to worry about being vulnerable or brave or trusting. We just have to toe the party line. Except doing that is not working. Ideological bunkers protect us from everything except loneliness and disconnection. Huddled behind them, we\u2019re left unprotected from the worst heartbreaks of all.\u201d\u00a0 How does this impact you in your ministry field?\u00a0 Are you so invested in \u201ctoeing the party line\u201d that you fail to make connections, fail to be vulnerable? Fail to listen and understand others \u2013 which ultimately creates connection?\u00a0 McIntosh and Rima warn that \u201cno amount of success in leadership or ministry can heal the wounds from our unmet needs or pay our existential debts. Accordingly, leaders must identify their unmet needs and existential debts and deal with them effectively before they wreak havoc in their lives and ministries.\u201d[11]<\/a>\u00a0 Tough words in a challenging world!<\/p>\n

[1]<\/a> McIntosh & Rima<\/p>\n

[2]<\/a> https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/john\/2012\/06\/17\/the-dark-side-of-leadership\/<\/p>\n

[3]<\/a> https:\/\/www.braveleadersinc.com\/brene_brown\/<\/p>\n

[4]<\/a> https:\/\/www.braveleadersinc.com\/brene_brown\/<\/p>\n

[5]<\/a> https:\/\/www.inc.com\/justin-bariso\/the-10-commandments-of-emotional-intelligence.html?cid=mustread2<\/p>\n

[6]<\/a> McIntosh, Gary, and Samuel D. Rima.\u00a0Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership: How to Become an Effective Leader by Confronting Potential Failures<\/em>. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2007.pg.155<\/p>\n

[7]<\/a> http:\/\/www.barnabasministry.com\/review-darkside.html<\/p>\n

[8]<\/a> https:\/\/www.fastcompany.com\/40465644\/brene-brown-americas-crisis-of-disconnection-runs-deeper-than-politics<\/p>\n

[9]<\/a> https:\/\/www.fastcompany.com\/40465644\/brene-brown-americas-crisis-of-disconnection-runs-deeper-than-politics<\/p>\n

[10]<\/a> https:\/\/www.fastcompany.com\/40465644\/brene-brown-americas-crisis-of-disconnection-runs-deeper-than-politics<\/p>\n

[11]<\/a> http:\/\/www.barnabasministry.com\/review-darkside.html<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Acknowledge \u2013 Examine \u2013 Resist – Self-Knowledge – Identity in Christ[1] Gary McIntosh and Samuel Rima\u2019s compelling text Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership: The Paradox of Personal Dysfunction spells out harmful leadership traits (and examples to examine) and preventive measures to avoid creating harm as a leader. \u201cThe point is not that leaders have […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":99,"featured_media":16811,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[1178],"class_list":["post-16810","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-mcintosh-rima","cohort-lgp8"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16810","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/99"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16810"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16810\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16814,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16810\/revisions\/16814"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16811"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16810"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16810"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16810"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}