{"id":14637,"date":"2017-10-19T11:55:16","date_gmt":"2017-10-19T18:55:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dminlgp\/?p=14637"},"modified":"2017-10-19T11:55:16","modified_gmt":"2017-10-19T18:55:16","slug":"edwin-friedman-meets-my-mom-a-failure-of-nerve","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/edwin-friedman-meets-my-mom-a-failure-of-nerve\/","title":{"rendered":"Edwin Friedman Meets my Mom: A Failure of Nerve"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I remember my mom often saying to my siblings and me, especially when we were teenagers, \u201cthe only thing you can control is your attitude.\u201d By this, she meant that sometimes circumstances or events occur that we have no control over; we only have the power to shape how we respond to them\u2014our attitude. As a teenager, I recall being very annoyed when she\u2019d mention this. The delightful irony is that now I hear myself saying this to my own teenagers. I\u2019m sure they really appreciate hearing it from me, now, too. Yes, \u201cthe past is present in the present.\u201d[1]<\/a><\/p>\n

As I delved into Edwin Friedman\u2019s posthumous text, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix<\/em>, I was struck repeatedly with images of my mom standing next to him, reiterating his words. Rather than being held captive by chaos, circumstances, or sabotage, we as leaders are responsible solely for our selves, as Friedman introduces: we must be able to shift \u201cour orientation to the way we think about relationships, from one that focuses on techniques that motivate others to one that focuses on the leader\u2019s own presence and being.\u201d[2]<\/a> For us as individuals, it must be about us. How do I focus on \u201c[my] own integrity and on the nature of [my] own presence rather than through techniques for manipulating or motivating others\u201d?[3]<\/a><\/p>\n

But like that teen-age self who never just did an attitude 180, but rather tended to stew in my own grumpiness even longer once I knew my mother was right\u2014like that teenage me, knowing that I have the capability\u2014nay, the responsibility\u2014to grow into a self-differentiated leader, seems spot on\u2026 and convicting. It became easy, as I read Friedman\u2019s text, to look at current and past organizations and relationships I\u2019ve been a part of, and think, \u201chmmm\u2026 does this organization\/family\/relationship fit what Friedman would consider being held hostage to terrorism or reactionary?\u201d Is there a sense no one is in charge? Are the leaders constricted by a weakness? Is there an unreasonable faith in \u201cbeing reasonable\u201d? [4]<\/a> I began spiraling into discouragement as I mentally checked those boxes.\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

What reeled me back in was the challenge placed on me<\/em>. According to how I understand Friedman, I can\u2019t cajole or coerce a particular organization or relationship to change, but I can look at my self as an individual and how I can grow and change. I can work on defining my self better, being responsible for my own emotional self and how I communicate emotionally with others.<\/p>\n

There are many aspects of Friedman\u2019s text that I continue to wrestle with and look forward to discussing more. For instance:<\/p>\n