Rosa Parks, an unassuming leader, expressed self-differentiation by rebelling against unjust laws that favored one race, and by just sitting down on a bus because she was tired. This brave act inspired another self-differentiated leader, Martin Luther King Jr., who was able to look beyond the plight of his people and offer a vision that all races could get enthused about following. His “I Have a Dream” speech, ignited a spark that changed the nation, and continues to influence our world. These and other significant leaders would not have been able to influence change if they were not able to be self-differentiated with a value for themselves, and a better vision for a healthier community. Moving families, communities, or organizations from good to great takes vision, courage, and a sense of adventure. A self-differentiated leader is a Level 5 leader[2]<\/a>, who has the ability to develop unseen greatness within a community.<\/p>\n What does it look like to be a self-differentiated leader who is able to positively influence change? “To be determined, decisive, visionary, and still keep your wits about you may be what it takes to reorient any marriage, family, organization, society, or civilization”. [3]<\/a> As a marriage and family therapist, I understand having to keep my wits when others do not act rationally.<\/p>\n A few days ago, a wife became so angry at her husband for not hearing her about wanting to have a baby, she suddenly decided that cursing at him very loudly would help him hear her better. Every time I started soothing her, she would start to be reasonable then escalate again to make certain he was going to hear her, as well as everyone in my building. \u00a0After a few attempts to calm her with little to no effect, I had to act. I dismissed the husband, to which he gratefully and quickly exited. Then I was able to converse with her, rejoin the husband and finish our session peaceably. Keeping my wits in emotionally charged situations was a skill I had to acquire, by keeping myself calm, centered, and in charge. Friedman validates this by encouraging leaders “to focus first on their own integrity and on the nature of their own presence rather than through techniques for manipulating or motivating others.” [4]<\/a> This is challenging enough for me in dealing with a distressed couple, and I cannot imagine doing this for a whole organization, community or country. Yet, I could see how Friedman continued to compare families to organizations. There are similar DNA’s that resonate with all organisms.<\/p>\n Another challenge for a self-differentiated leader is to: develop a strong sense of self, who does not become consumed with narcissistic behavior and disillusioned with grandiose thoughts of self-importance, while still building a community that has a shared purpose and clear vision of togetherness. “The tension between self and togetherness is universal”[5]<\/a>. Many times, well-meaning leaders start off with beautiful, inclusive visions for their communities and country but end up only self-serving their needs.<\/p>\n When I was in Zimbabwe, the economy was so inflated they were selling their own dead currency to tourists. We bought 50 billion Zimbabwean dollars for 1 US dollar. When we talked with the citizens, the regular complaint was the corrupt leadership and the selfishness of their president. The views on him were repeatedly communicated how he doesn’t serve the needs of the people by providing basic needs like education, a stable economy, and jobs. He just takes care of himself and his family. This is what Friedman would consider to be a poor differentiated leader. He has a low awareness of his responsibility for his country, and he exclusively looks out for his own needs. Similarly, in Leadership is an Art, <\/em>he lacks servant leadership “as the leader is the ‘servant’ of his followers in that he removes the obstacles that prevent them from doing their jobs” [6]<\/a>.<\/p>\n Leader Blessing: May God bless us as pastors, politicians, therapists and leaders striving to develop a renaissance in our corner of the world. May we courageously live the adventure we were designed to live without being capsized by anxiety. May we learn to be self-differentiated leaders who are servants to our followers, and wise guardians of our hearts as we live in a peaceful, dynamic community with God, ourselves, and others.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n [1] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix<\/em>, (Seabury, NY: Church Publishing Inc, 2007), 3336, Kindle.<\/p>\n <\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [2] Jim Collins, Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap–and Others Don’t, <\/em>(Boulder, CO: Harper Collins, 2001), 662, Kindle.<\/p>\n <\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [3] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve, <\/em>3384, Kindle.<\/p>\n <\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [4] Friedman, A Failure of Nerve, <\/em>305-306, Kindle.<\/p>\n <\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [5] Friedman, A Failure of Nerve, <\/em>514, Kindle.<\/p>\n![\"Martin](\"https:\/\/live.staticflickr.com\/7543\/15647008543_30c4bf2d24.jpg\")
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