I found Failure of Nerve<\/i> a refreshing and challenging book, packed full of what I would consider wisdom on being a leader at a time were strong leadership\u00a0seems to be giving way to a \u201csofter\u201d form where everyone gets a trophy regardless of the outcome.<\/p>\n
It goes without saying that few if any appreciate a brutish leader. But according to Friedman, strong does not mean brutal. A strong leader is one who understands that leadership is an emotional process for which skill acquisition gives little aid. A strong leader is one who understands the importance and pitfalls of relationship, the power of presence and the importance of self-differentiation.<\/p>\n
One of the principal players in Friedman\u2019s thesis is the well-differentiated leader. The well-differentiated leader deals with and develops the emotional\/relational side of their leadership. They understand the way in which emotion impacts and shapes an organization and use this understanding in the process of leadership. It is a leap beyond Goldman\u2019s emotional intelligence or right brain\/left brain theories of leadership into the relational mix in which all leaders find themselves. [2235]<\/p>\n
What are some of the characteristics of a well-differentiated leader? A well-differentiated leader is \u201csomeone who has clarity about his or her own life goals, and, therefore, someone who is less likely to become lost in the anxious emotional processes swirling about.\u201d They work at managing their own \u201creactivity to the automatic reactivity of others, and therefore are able to take stands at the risk of displeasing.\u201d They strive to \u201cmaintain a modifying, non-anxious, and sometimes challenging presence\u201d in the organization. In other words, they are able to distance themselves from the emotional tangles of organizational relationships that often hinder leaders from making the difficult decisions that These characteristics are not based on a set of skills but on developing an emotional maturity necessary for good leadership. [332-335]<\/p>\n
One of the most interesting parts of Friedman\u2019s thesis focuses on the power of the presence of leadership. To begin to apply the\u00a0power of presence, the leader should work to shift their focus from acquiring techniques that motivate others to \u201cone that focuses on the leader\u2019s own presence and being.\u201d [154-155] What does that mean? There is a saying in missionary circles that \u201cpresence is everything\u201d meaning that if you are a leader, there is no substitute for being present and face to face with the people you are responsible for leading. However, Friedman suggests, interestingly enough, that that type of presence is not necessary for effective leadership. In fact, it might be detrimental in that it opens the leader up to be sabotaged by emotional terrorists, reactivity, herding and the blame game. \u00a0All though it might be useful for morale, it does not help the leader in their role as leader of the organization. [3550-3358]<\/p>\n
I also found interesting the notion that like families, many organizations are held hostage by toxic individuals who have their own interests at heart. Friedman states it is often the case that leaders assume \u201cthat toxic forces can be regulated through reasonableness, love, insight, role-modeling, inculcation of values, and striving for consensus.\u201d This stance \u201cprevents [leaders] from taking the kind of stands that set limits to the invasiveness of those who lack self-regulation.\u201d [302-304]<\/p>\n
In other words, many leaders focus on the toxic elements of an organization by trying to fix or appease those toxic few. However, practically speaking, the leader will only be wasting valuable energy and forward momentum trying to change people who have no desire or even the capacity to be self-regulating and to change. Instead, Friedman suggests that leaders focus on those who are energetic, visionary, motivated and imaginative. These are the individuals who will help transform and lead the organization. [290-304]<\/p>\n
On many levels, this is both positive and freeing, as I remember the hours and weeks spent trying to regulate or even help those toxic people who will not change. The energy expended could have been better spent on those with creativity, vision, and motivation to have a positive and sustainable impact on the organization.<\/p>\n
The challenge with Freidman in my context is that the leaders in the church or in the church organization often have a pastoral component that makes it difficult to distance oneself from emotional terrorists and toxic people. \u00a0Also, for leaders in the church, there is a concern the for spiritual state and development of everyone no matter the level of maturity. Moreover, one should never underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit to change lives. This pastoral component of church leadership adds a dynamic that other organizations don\u2019t have. I would also suggest that Friedman\u2019s thesis, though it may be applicable in the more western cultures, may not be applicable across cultures; therefore, practicing leadership in another culture might call for another paradigm.<\/p>\n
To conclude, I wish that Friedman would have lived to complete his work. His research is revolutionary and in many ways refreshing. His focus on emotionally healthy leaders brings new resource and value to the strong leader. The one-size-fits-all leadership manual seldom works in every situation; if it did, we wouldn\u2019t need more than one book on successful leadership. His unique way of informing leadership outside of skill acquisition brings another sane voice to the broader leadership discussion. This is one book I will turn to again and again.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Edwin H. Friedman. \u00a0A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix<\/i>. Kindle ed. New York, NY: Seabury, 2007.<\/p>\n
Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee. Primal Leadership: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Intelligence<\/i>. 1st ed. Boston, MA: Harvard Business Review Press, 2013.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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